Fwd: ya'll might have seen this one

<From: "Core La" <cla@houston.rr.com<
<To: "An La" <an1229@hotmail.com<, "BOND, BRIAN R [PHR/1000]"
<<brian.r.bond@pharmacia.com<, <Nicole.La@enron.net<,
<<richard.le@tekelec.com<, <tania_la@hotmail.com<, <yangkit@hotmail.com<
<Subject: ya'll might have seen this one
<Date: Sat, 19 May 2001 12:20:08 -0500
<
<
<----- Original Message -----
<From: Laura Quisenberry
<To: Alphamonster@aol.com ; brianw@seiferlaw.com ; chavitaem@hotmail.com ;
<christina_garza@hotmail.com ; Christopher.Petrossian@gsb.uchicago.edu ;
<cwasserod@aol.com ; cla@houston.rr.com ; Dan.H.Vo@kp.org ;
<danitaz21@hotmail.com
<Sent: Wednesday, May 16, 2001 8:24 PM
<Subject: Fwd: FW: "How to" (RTFPM)
<
<
<
<
<
<
< <From: "Tristan, Dorothy"
< <To: "'Kent Hesser'" , "'Laura Q'" , "'Lisa and Iban'" , "'MCMike'" ,
<"'Ron Bilbrey (home)'"
< <Subject: FW: "How to" (RTFPM)
< <Date: Wed, 16 May 2001 14:42:40 -0500
< <
< < < HOW TO POOP AT WORK
< < < <
< < < < We've all been there but don't like to admit it. We've all kicked
<back
< < <in
< < < < our
< < < < cubicles and suddenly felt something brew down below. As much as we
<try
< < <to
< < < < convince ourselves otherwise, the WORK POOP is inevitable. For those
<who
< < < < hate
< < < < pooping at work, following is the 2001 Survival Guide for taking a
<dump
< < <at
< < < < work. Memorize these definitions and pooping at work will become a
<pure
< < < < pleasure.
< < < <
< < < < ESCAPEE.
< < < < Definition: a fart that slips out while taking a leak at the urinal
<or
< < < < forcing a poop in a stall. This is usually accompanied by a sudden
<wave
< < <of
< < < < panic embarrassment. This is similar to the hot flash you receive
<when
< < < < passing an unseen police car and speeding. If you release an
<escapee, do
< < < < not
< < < < acknowledge it. Pretend it did not happen. If you are standing next
<to
< < <the
< < < < farter in the urinal, pretend you did not hear it. No one likes an
< < < < escapee,
< < < < it is uncomfortable for all involved. Making a joke or laughing
<makes
< < <both
< < < < parties feel uneasy.
< < < <
< < < < JAILBREAK (Used in conjunction with ESCAPEE).
< < < < Definition: When forcing poop, several farts slip out at a machine
<gun
< < < < pace.
< < < < This is usually a side effect of diarrhea or a hangover. If this
<should
< < < < happen, do not panic. Remain in the stall until everyone has left
<the
< < < < bathroom so to spare everyone the awkwardness of what just occurred.
< < < <
< < < < COURTESY FLUSH.
< < < < Definition: The act of flushing the toilet the instant the nose cone
<of
< < < < the
< < < < poop log hits the water and the poop is whisked away to an
<undisclosed
< < < < location. This reduces the amount of air time the poop has to stink
<up
< < <the
< < < < bathroom. This can help you avoid being caught doing the WALK OF
<SHAME.
< < < <
< < < < WALK OF SHAME.
< < < < Definition: Walking from the stall, to the sink, to the door after
<you
< < < < have
< < < < just stunk up the bathroom. This can be a very uncomfortable moment
<if
< < < < someone walks in and busts you. As with all farts, it is best to
<pretend
< < < < that
< < < < the smell does not exist. Can be avoided with the use of the
<COURTESY
< < < < FLUSH.
< < < <
< < < < OUT OF THE CLOSET POOPER.
< < < < Definition: A colleague who poops at work and damn proud of it. You
<will
< < < < often see an Out Of The Closet Pooper enter the bathroom with a
< < <newspaper
< < < < or
< < < < magazine under their arm. Always look around the office for the Out
<Of
< < <The
< < < < Closet Pooper before entering the bathroom.
< < < <
< < < < THE POOPING FRIENDS NETWORK (PFN).
< < < < Definition: A group of coworkers who band together to ensure
<emergency
< < < < pooping goes off without incident. This group can help you to
<monitor
< < <the
< < < < whereabouts of Out Of The Closet Poopers, and identify SAFE HAVENS.
< < < <
< < < < SAFE HAVENS.
< < < < Definition: A seldom used bathroom somewhere in the building where
<you
< < <can
< < < < least expect visitors. Try floors that are predominantly of the
<opposite
< < < < sex.
< < < < This will reduce the odds of a pooper of your sex entering the
<bathroom.
< < < <
< < < < TURD BURGLAR:
< < < < Definition: A pooper who does not realize that you are in the stall
<and
< < < < tries
< < < < to force the door open. This is one of the most shocking and
<vulnerable
< < < < moments that can occur when taking a dump at work. If this occurs,
< < <remain
< < < < in
< < < < the stall until the Turd Burglar leaves. This way you will avoid all
< < < < uncomfortable eye contact.
< < < <
< < < < CAMO-COUGH.
< < < < Definition: A phony cough that alerts all new entrants into the
<bathroom
< < < < that
< < < < you are in a stall. This can be used to cover-up a WATERMELON, or to
< < <alert
< < < < potential Turd Burglars. Very effective when used in conjunction
<with an
< < < < ASTAIRE.
< < < <
< < < < ASTAIRE.
< < < < Definition: A subtle toe-tap that is used to alert potential Turd
< < <Burglars
< < < < that you are occupying a stall. This will remove all doubt that the
< < <stall
< < < < is
< < < < occupied. If you hear an Astaire, leave the bathroom immediately so
<the
< < < < pooper can poop in peace.
< < < <
< < < < WATERMELON.
< < < < Definition: A turd that creates a loud splash when hitting the
<toilet
< < < < water.
< < < < This is also an embarrassing incident. If you feel a Watermelon
<coming
< < <on,
< < < < create a diversion. See CAMO-COUGH.
< < < <
< < < < HAVANA OMELET.
< < < < Definition: A load of diarrhea that creates a series of loud
<splashes in
< < < < the
< < < < toilet water. Often accompanied by an Escapee. Try using a
<Camo-Cough
< < <with
< < < < an
< < < < Astaire.
< < < <
< < < < UNCLE TED.
< < < < Definition: A bathroom user who seems to linger around forever.
<Could
< < < < spend
< < < < extended lengths of time in front of the mirror or sitting on the
<pot.
< < <An
< < < < Uncle Ted makes it difficult to relax while on the crapper, as you
< < <should
< < < < always wait to drop your load when the bathroom is empty. This
<benefits
< < < < you
< < < < as well as the other bathroom attendees.
< < < <
< < < < FLY BY.
< < < < Definition: The act of scouting out a bathroom before pooping. Walk
<in
< < <and
< < < < check for other poopers. If there are others in the bathroom, leave
<and
< < < < come
< < < < back again. Be careful not to become a FREQUENT FLYER. People may
<become
< < < < suspicious if they catch you constantly going into the bathroom.
< < < <
< <
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