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Enron Mail |
WINDAS 98 BROOKLYN Edition
Dear Consumas: It has come ta our attention dat a coupola copies of the WINDOWS 98/BROOKLYN EDITION may have accidentally bin shipped outsida Broooklyn. If ya got one a dese, you may need some help understandin' da commands. Da Brooklyn edition may be recognized by da unique openin' screen. It reads: "WINDAS 98," wit a background picture of Grand Army Plaza. When you start da program, instead of da usual "harpy, stringy" music, you hear da teme from da Godfadda. It is also shipped wit a Sopranos screen sava. Please also note: Recycle Bin is labeled "Staten Island." * My Computer is called "My Friggin' Computa." The Inbox is referred to as "Da Trunk." Deleted Items are referred to as "Wacked," "Erased," or "Rubbed Out." Dial up Networking is called "Da Bar." Control Panel is known as the "Da Bosses." Performin' an "illegal operation" is known as "enhancin' the family business" and will actually maximize da program instead of shuttin' it down. Hard Drive is referred to as "Da BQE Rush Hour." ** Instead of an error message a "You ain't gonna friggin' believe dis!" pops up. CHANGES IN TERMINOLOGY IN DA BROOKLYN EDITION: OK...................Sure ting Cancel...........Fugetaboutit Reset.............Start Ova Yes.................Yeah No...................Nah Find................Put a contract out on Browse..........Get a looksee Back...............U toin Help................(Help ain't available -yous don't need nostinkin'help) Stop.................Knock it off Start.................Move it! Settings..........Here's d' Rules Also note dat any voice recognition software run on da BROOKLYNEDITION platform don't recognize da ledda "R." Some programs and udder accessories dat are exclusive to WINDAS 98: Typa................A word processin' program Printa...............Printer Calculata..........Calculator Solitare.............Seven Card Stud We regret any inconvenience it may have caused if you received a copy of da BROOKLYN EDITION. You may return it to Microsoft for a replacement version Yeah so, Yous got a problem wit dat? NON-BROOKLYNESE DICTIONARY * Staten Island is where all of NY dumps it's garbage. The garbage now looks like a small Mountain Range with seagulls always in attendance. ** BQU = Brooklyn/Queens Expressway - The place where you take your life into your hands by entering from the "on ramp". You have to reach the speed of 60 mph to have any hopes of entering and you have to have breaks that can stop on "a dime" when your hopes of entering are dashed by a 18 wheeler barreling down on your position.
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