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---------------------- Forwarded by Tracy Geaccone/GPGFIN/Enron on 02/05/20= 01 02:26 PM --------------------------- "Jack Hurst" <hurst@intur.net< on 01/24/2001 12:05:08 PM To:=09"Wayne Guidry" <Guidry_Wayne@emc.com<, <Tracy.Geaccone@enron.com<, "L= ou and Kathleen Dionne" <lkdionne@olypen.com<, "Hurst, Julie A" <Hurst.Juli= e@emeryworld.com<, "Dianne Costa" <gdsown@airmail.net< cc:=09=20 Subject:=09Fw: Fw: Travel Advice from the Texas Tourism Bureau ----- Original Message ----- From: "Jim Ross" <jtross@attglobal.net< To: <rwbradford@bigfoot.com<; <bobdockerty@aol.com<; <CJRN1@aol.com<; <clay@ditch.com<; <rmanasco@lawmed.com<; <farnold_us@yahoo.com<; <hgilmore@701brazos.com<; <garyhoov@msn.com<; <creeclu@nts-online.net<; <john_p_pryor@fleet.com<; <kds.riptorn@juno.com<; <toksr@iopener.net<; <jkoehn@austin.rr.com<; <john.mackey@wholefoods.com<; <gmcgee@texas.net<; <david@encotechengineering.com<; <David.Oneil@PetroCosm.com<; <paulvic@cheerful.com<; <areagan@inetport.com<; <rschofie@email.usps.gov<; <brider@lumbermensinv.com<; <jridge@wcc.net<; <DLR@COMPASSBNK.COM<; <sandcomm@texas.net<; <ssinger@roadrunner.com<; <terrymoynahan@hotmail.com<= ; <Steve.Thorington@OceanEnergy.com<; <steve.tousey@walgreens.com<; <zack.church@walgreens.com<; <mattharris1@uswest.net< Sent: Wednesday, January 24, 2001 11:38 AM Subject: Fwd: Fw: Travel Advice from the Texas Tourism Bureau < Travel Bulletin from the Texas Tourism Bureau <The new Texas White House in Crawford, Texas, will soon be drawing a <numberof people to that area and other areas of the south, including many <who are not used to southern hospitality, like Yankee, liberal reporters. <They might find useful the following travel advice issued by the Texas < < Tourism Bureau to all visiting Northerners and Northeastern Urbanites: < < < << <1) Don't order filet mignon or pasta primavera at Waffle House. <It's < < << <just a diner. They serve breakfast 24 hours a day. Let them cook < < <something < < << <they know. If you confuse them, they'll kick your ass. < < < << <2) Don't laugh at our Southern names (Merleen, Bodie, Bubby, Bobby < < <Ray, Tammy Lynn, Billy Joe, Sissy, Clovis, etc.). Or we will just HAV= E to < < <kick your ass. < < << < < < << <3) Don't order a bottle of pop or a can of soda down here. Down <here it's called Coke. Nobody gives a damn whether it's Pepsi, RC, Dr. < < Pepper, 7-Up or whatever - it's still a Coke. Accept it. Doing < otherwise can < < <lead to an ass kicking. < < << < < < << <4) We know our heritage. Most of us are more literate than you <(e.g. Welty, Williams, Faulkner). We are also better educated and generall= y <a lot nicer. Don't refer to us as a bunch of hillbillies, or ee'll kick <your ass. < < << < < < << <5) We have plenty of business sense (e.g., Fred Smith of Fed Ex, < < <Turner Broadcasting, MCI WorldCom, MTV, Netscape, Dell computers). < Naturally, we do sometimes, have small <lapses in judgment (e.g., Carter, Duke, Barnes, Clinton). We don't <care if you think we are dumb. We are not dumb enough to let someone move to < < our state in order to run for the Senate. If someone tried to do that, we < < <would CERTAINLY kick their ass. < < << < < < << <6) Don't laugh at our Civil War monuments. If Lee had listened to < < << <Longstreet and flanked Meade at Gettysburg instead of sending Pickett <up the middle, you'd be paying taxes to Richmond instead of Washington. < < < << < < < << <7) We are fully aware of how hot the weather is in August, so < shut the hell < < <up. Just spend your money and get the hell out of here, or we'll kick < your ass. < < << < < < << <8) Don't order wheat toast at Cracker Barrel. Everyone will <instantly know that you're a Yankee. Eat your biscuits like God intended-with < < <gravy. And don't put sugar on your grits, or we'll kick your ass. < < << < < < << <9) Don't talk about how much better things are at home because w= e < < know better. Many of us have visited Northern hell-holes like Detroit, < < <Chicago, and DC, and we have the scars and the notches on our pistols < to prove it. If you don't like it here, < <Delta is ready when you are. Move your ass on home before it gets < kicked up between your shoulders and you have to take off your shirt to shit! < < << < < < << <10) Yes, we know how to speak proper English. We talk this way < < because we don't want to sound like you. We don't care if you don't <understand what we are saying. All other Southerners understand what we are < < saying,and that's all that matters. Now, go away and leave us alone, o= r <we'llkick your ass. < < << < < < << <11) Don't complain that the South is dirty and polluted. None o= f <OUR lakes or rivers have caught fire recently. If you whine about OUR < < scenic beauty, we'll kick your ass all the way back to Boston Harbor. < < << < < < << <12) Don't ridicule our Southern manners. We say sir and ma'am. We < < <hold doors open for others. We offer our seats to old folks because such < < <things are expected of civilized people. Behave yourselves around our < sweet < < << <little grey-haired grandmothers or they'll kick some manners into your < < <ass just like they did ours. < < << < < < << <13) So you think we're quaint or losers because most of us live in < < the countryside? That's because we have enough sense to not live in <filthy, smelly, crime-infested cesspools like New York or Baltimore. Make fun <of our fresh air, and we'll kick your sorry ass. < < << < < < << <14) Nothing in California is Southern, so if you come down here, don't < < << <think you're one of us just because you say you're from Southern < < << <California. Your Mexicans didn't invent low riders, ours did. And the < < <food is Tex Mex. It isn't Cal Mex. You haven't contributed anything to < < <South so don't try to take or we'll kick your ass. < < << < < < << <15) Last, but not least, DO NOT DARE to come down here and tell us < < how to barbecue. This will get your ass shot (right after it is kicked). < <You're lucky we let you come down here at all. Criticize our <barbeque, and you will go home in a pine box. Minus your ass. < < << < < < << <_________________________________________________________________ < < << <Get your FREE download of MSN Explorer at http://explorer.msn.com < < << < < < << < < < << < < < << < < < < < < < < < < =7F < <
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