Fw: Jim Lehrer interviews Gore and Bush

---------------------- Forwarded by Darron C Giron/HOU/ECT on 10/25/2000
11:13 AM ---------------------------

Jeffrey C Gossett
10/25/2000 11:04 AM
To: Dawn C Kenne/HOU/ECT@ECT, Darron C Giron/HOU/ECT@ECT, William
Kelly/HOU/ECT@ECT
cc:
Subject: Fw: Jim Lehrer interviews Gore and Bush

This is pretty funny.
---------------------- Forwarded by Jeffrey C Gossett/HOU/ECT on 10/25/2000
11:03 AM ---------------------------

"Josh Fetner" <jfetner@ev1.net< on 10/23/2000 11:33:23 AM

< Jim Lehrer: Welcome to the second presidential debate
< between Vice President Al Gore and Gov. George W. Bush.
< The candidates have agreed on these rules: I will ask a question.
< The candidate will ignore the question and deliver rehearsed
< remarks designed to appeal to undecided women voters.
<
< The opponent will then have one minute to respond by
< trying to frighten senior citizens into voting for him. When a
< speaker's time has expired, I will whimper softly while he
< continues to spew incomprehensible statistics for three
< more minutes.
<
< Let's start with the vice president. Mr. Gore, can you
< give us the name of a downtrodden citizen and then tell us
< his or her story in a way that strains the bounds of common
< sense?
<
< Gore: As I was saying to Tipper last night after we tenderly made
< love the way we have so often during the 30 years of our rock-solid
< marriage, the downtrodden have a clear choice in this election.
<
< My opponent wants to cut taxes for the richest 1 percent of
< Americans. I, on the other hand, want to put the richest 1 percent in
< an ironclad lockbox so they can't hurt old people like Roberta
< Frampinhamper, who is here tonight.
<
< Mrs. Frampinhamper has been selling her internal organs, one by one,
< to pay for gas so that she can travel to these debates and personify
< problems for me. Also, her poodle has arthritis.
<
< Lehrer: Gov. Bush, your rebuttal.
<
< Bush: Governors are on the front lines every day, hugging people,
< crying with them, relieving suffering anywhere a photo opportunity
< exists.
<
< I want to empower those crying people to make their own
< decisions, unlike my opponent, whose mother is not Barbara Bush.
<
< Lehrer: Let's turn to foreign affairs. Gov. Bush, if Slobodan
< Milosevic were to launch a bid to return to power in Yugoslavia,
< would you be able to pronounce his name?
<
< Bush: The current administration had eight years to deal with that
< guy and didn't get it done. If I'm elected, the first thing I would
< do about that guy is have Dick Cheney confer with our allies. And
< then Dick would present me several options for dealing with that guy.
< And then Dick would tell me which one to choose. You know, as
< governor of Texas, I have to make tough foreign policy decisions
< every day about how we're going to deal with New Mexico.
<
< Lehrer: Mr. Gore, your rebuttal.
<
< Gore: Foreign policy is something I've always been keenly
< interested in. I served my country in Vietnam. I had an uncle who
< was a victim of poison gas in World War I. I myself lost a leg in the
< Franco-Prussian War. And when that war was over, I came
< home and tenderly made love to Tipper in a way that any undecided
< woman voter would find romantic.
< If I'm entrusted with the office of president, I pledge to deal
< knowledgeably with any threat, foreign or domestic, by putting it in
< an ironclad lockbox. Because the American people deserve a president
< who can comfort them with simple metaphors.
<
< Lehrer: Vice President Gore, how would you reform the Social Security
< system?
<
< Gore: It's a vital issue, Jim. That's why Joe Lieberman and I have
< proposed changing the laws of mathematics to allow us to give $50,000
< to every senior citizen without having it cost the federal treasury a
< single penny until the year 2250.
< In addition, my budget commits $60 trillion over the next 10 years to
< guarantee that all senior citizens can have drugs delivered free to
< their homes every Monday by a federal employee who will also help
< them with the child-proof cap.
<
< Lehrer: Gov. Bush?
<
< Bush: That's fuzzy math. I know, because as governor of Texas, I have
< to do math every day. I have to add up the numbers and decide whether
< I'm going to fill potholes out on Rt. 36 east of Abilene or commit
< funds to reroof the sheep barn at the Texas state fairgrounds.
<
< Lehrer: It's time for closing statements.
<
< Gore: I'm my own man. I may not be the most exciting politician, but
< I will fight for the working families of America, in addition to
< turning the White House into a lusty pit of marital love for Tipper
< and me.
<
< Bush: It's time to put aside the partisanship of the past by electing
< no one but Republicans.
< Lehrer: Good night.
<
<