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Enron Mail |
<This is pretty good. God Bless the U.S. Air Force! <Subject: Message from a Hawg Driver (A-10 Warthog) < <(Someone pulled this off the Air Force Academy's {very <unofficial}message board. Written by a '96 grad who apparently flies <A-10s. What we all are REALLY thinking, but a HOG driver says it.) < <"Make no mistake about it... this war is gonna be a Hawgdriver's dream...no <more of this sending GPS guided bombs from the ionosphere... I want to camp <out on the enemy's border... I want to yell across the border, in the <immortal words of Wyatt Earp (as portrayed by Kurt Russell), "You tell 'em <I'm coming! AND HELL'S COMING WITH ME!!" < <I wanna punch Bin Laden in the face and say, 'You gonna do something? Or <just stand there and bleed?' And then, I wanna laugh maniacally, as my 30mm <shells decimate his camps. < <I ain't talking about the Armor Piercing shells this time, although the <thought of poisoning their lungs (if, in the unlikely event, they survived <my attack) with the dirty dust of spent uranium is quite refreshing... that <would make the cloud over New York seem like pure Oxygen. < <I want High Explosive Incendiary (HEI) rounds...1150 of them, fired 2 or 3 <hundred at a time... like 3 hundred grenades exploding all at once... and <that's just my jet... the three coming with me brings that total to 16 cans <of CBU-87...that's 3,232 individual submunitions for them...that's what I <want. < <I want 4 Maverick missiles per jet...that's 16 of those things...and if we <run outta trucks and other small things to hit with those missiles, I wanna <find out what a maverick will do when it locks onto a terrorist and hits him <at just over 1000 feet per second...there might not be enough deceleration <to detonate the thing but at that speed... I don't think it would be <necessary. < <And I want 2 pods of rockets, hanging from my wings. Seven white phosphorous <and seven HEI... I want the 'Willie Petes' to put a cloud of smoke, to climb <into the sky, to let everyone following know...that's where the gettin' is <good... < <And the HEI... well, I just want FRAG in the air, tearing apart their <greasy, scumbag bodies the same way they tore into our nation... and then <we'll start cleaning up with the almighty General Electric GAU-8/A Avenger <cannon... what a perfect name... AVENGER CANNON!!! < <If that's all I had, that's all I'd want... four hawgs, with 4600 of our <little friends... lock and load, hammer down!!!!! < <But that's just my personal end... here's what else I want...I want John <Madden, Terry Bradshaw and Howie Long, to take over CNN, NBC, ABC and every <other news network, to provide coverage of this war... < <I want Madden, with his electronic chalkboard, out there describing what's <going on... "You see here, across the top of the screen, that ridge line is <exactly where the attack is gonna come from... you'll see the Warthawgs come <popping over them and unleash a fury that we haven't seen since Lawrence <Taylor was on the prowl...Speaking of that, here they come and BAM!!! These <guys are great!... they remind me of linemen... they don't get much press <coverage, but when they hit you,man do you know it!" < <I want Hank Williams, Jr. and Lee Greenwood belting out, "I'M PROUD TO BE AN <AMERICAN," as the intro to "Monday Night Air Strikes"..."Fight night" would <have a whole new meaning now...I want to see Sports Center air, the "HIT OF <THE DAY":..."Today's strike comes from a flight of two A-10 Warthogs.. <You'll see here that some terrorist got < <the wild idea that he could shoot at these guys...you can see the missile <come up and totally miss the two jets... and here, you see, as they roll in <and unleash that awesome gun on the point of origin,...nothing left there <now! And that's our, PLAY OF THE DAY!!" < <I want Mills Lane, in the field, giving play by play descriptions. < <I want "Flight of the Valkaries" playing at full bore, from every <mountainside, as we run in at 100 feet.... < <I want "WELCOME TO THE JUNGLE," playing after the first bomb hits, and when <I'm WINCHESTER ammunition, I wanna land on Bin Laden's personal airstrip, <grab him by his twisted, dead neck and poke him in the eyes and say, "YOU <JUST GOT KNOCKED OUT!" < <I want the NFL cheerleaders to send us off to war, and the XFL cheerleaders <to welcome us home. And while we're at it? I don't just want to beat the <crap outta these scumbags, I want to humiliate them, too. < <I want to see Schwartzkopf come outta retirement, to start kicking some <butt... I want a cure for Alzheimer's - right now - to get Reagan back in <working order, and like Dennis Leary says, I want a cure for cancer, to <thaw out the 'Duke' and see just how pissed off he is right now. < <I want STUKA terror sirens, mounted to the wings of my Hawg...although the <unique whine of our engines is about all the terror siren we'll need right <now... < <All right, Zero... slow down... breathe... in... out....ok... I think the <coffee has worn off a bit now, and I should get back to work. You just <picked the wrong people to mess with...not such a good day to be a bad guy."
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