FW:

< Subject: Texian's Driving Etiquette -
< < < < <
< < < < < Dim your headlights for approaching vehicles, even if
< < < < < the gun is loaded and the deer is in sight.
< < < < <
< < < < < Do not lay rubber while traveling in a funeral
< < < < < procession.
< < < < <
< < < < < Do not remove the seats from the car so that all your
< < < < < kids can fit in.
< < < < <
< < < < < Never relieve yourself from a moving vehicle,
< < < < < especially when driving.
< < < < <
< < < < < Never tow another car using pantyhose and duct tape.
< < < < <
< < < < < When approaching a four-way stop, the vehicle with the
< < < < < largest tires always has the right of way.
< < < < <
< < < < < When sending your wife down the road with a gas can, it
< < < < < is impolite to ask her to bring back beer.
< < < < <
< < < < < - Texian's Personal Hygiene -
< < < < <
< < < < < If you have to vacuum the bed, it's time to change the
< < < < < sheets.
< < < < <
< < < < < Plucking unwanted nose hair is time-consuming work. A
< < < < < cigarette lighter and a small tolerance for pain can
< < < < < accomplish the same goal and save hours.
< < < < < Note: Its a good idea to keep a bucket of water
< < < < < handy when using this method.
< < < < <
< < < < < Unlike clothes and shoes, a toothbrush should never be
< < < < < a hand-me-down item.
< < < < <
< < < < < While ears need to be cleaned regularly, this is a job
< < < < < that should be done in private using one's OWN truck
< < < < < keys.
< < < < <
< < < < < - Texian's Dinning Out -
< < < < <
< < < < < Remember to leave a generous tip for good service.
< < < < < After all, their mobile home costs just as much as
< < < < < yours.
< < < < <
< < < < < - Texian's Entertaining in Your Home -
< < < < <
< < < < < A centerpiece for the table should never be anything
< < < < < prepared by a taxidermist.
< < < < <
< < < < < Do not allow the dog to eat at the table . . . no
< < < < < matter how good his manners are.
< < < < <
< < < < < If your dog falls in love with a guest's leg, have the
< < < < < decency to leave them alone for a few minutes.
< < < < <
< < < < < - Texian's Dating (Outside the Family) -
< < < < <
< < < < < Always offer to bait your date's hook, especially on
< < < < < the first date.
< < < < <
< < < < < Be aggressive. Let her know you are interested: "I've
< < < < < been wanting to go out with you since I read that stuff
< < < < < on the men's bathroom wall two years a go."
< < < < <
< < < < < If a girl's name does not appear regularly on a
< < < < < bathroom wall, water tower, or an overpass, odds are
< < < < < good that the date will end in frustration.
< < < < <
< < < < < - Texian's Theater Etiquette -
< < < < <
< < < < < Crying babies should be taken to the lobby and picked
< < < < < up immediately after the movie has ended.
< < < < <
< < < < < Refrain from talking to characters on the screen. Tests
< < < < < have proven they can't hear you.
< < < < <
< < < < < - Texian's Wedding Etiquette -
< < < < <
< < < < < A bridal veil made of window screen is not only cost
< < < < < effective but also a proven fly deterrent.
< < < < <
< < < < < For the groom, at least rent a tux. A leisure suit with
< < < < < a cummerbund and a clean bowling shirt can create a
< < < < < natty appearance. Though uncomfortable, say yes to
< < < < < socks and shoes for this special occasion.
< < < < <
< < < < < Its is not okay for the groom to bring a date to a
< < < < < wedding.
< < < < <
< < < < < Livestock is usually a poor choice for a wedding gift.
< < < < <
< < < < < When dancing, never remove undergarments, no matter how
< < < < < hot it is.
< < < < <
< < < < < - Texian's Etiquette for All Occasions -
< < < < <
< < < < < Always identify people in your yard before shooting at
< < < < < them.
< < < < <
< < < < < Always provide an alibi to the police for family
< < < < < members.
< < < < <
< < < < < Always say "Excuse me" after getting sick in someone
< < < < < else's car.
< < < < <
< < < < < Even if you're certain that you are included in the
< < < < < will, it's considered tacky to drive a U-Haul to the
< < < < < funeral home.
< < < < <
< < < < < It's considered tacky to take a cooler to church.
< < < < <
< < < < < Never take a beer to a job interview or ask if they
< < < < < press charges.
<
< Brenda Rowan
< *Phone: (512) 446-8340
< *Phone-in-network: 8-329-8340
< *Fax: (512) 446-8721
< e-* Brenda.Rowan@Alcoa.com
<