Basic Rules for Cats

BASIC RULES
for
CATS RUNNING A HOUSE

CHAIRS AND RUGS:
If you have to throw up, get into a chair quickly.
If you cannot manage in
time, get to an Oriental rug. If no Oriental rug,
shag is good.

DOORS:
Do not allow closed doors in any room. Once the door
is opened, it is not
necessary to use it.

GUESTS:
Sit on guest that hates cats the most.

For sitting on laps or rubbing against trousers,
select fabric color which
contrasts well with your fur. For example:
white-furred cats go to black
wool clothing.

Run from guest who claims, "I love kitties", be
ready with aloof disdain.

When walking among dishes on the dinner table, be
prepared to look surprised
and hurt when scolded.

Always accompany guests to the bathroom. It is not
necessary to do anything.
Just sit and stare.

WORK:
If one of your humans is sewing or writing and
another is idle, stay with
the busy one. This is called helping, these are the
rules:

1.When helping cooking, sit just behind the left
heel of the cook. You
cannot be seen and thereby stand a better chance of
being stepped on.

2.For book readers, get in close under the chin,
between the human's eyes
and the book, unless you can lie across the book
itself.

PLAY:
It is important. Get enough sleep in the daytime so
you are fresh for
playing catch mouse or king-o-the-hill on their bed
between 2 and 4 a.m.

Happiness is -- BEING OWNED BY A CAT!