Fwd: [Fwd: FW: Joys of Flying!]

---------------------- Forwarded by Vince J Kaminski/HOU/ECT on 03/09/2000
11:11 AM ---------------------------

Ludkam@aol.com on 03/09/2000 12:09:17 AM
To: Vince J Kaminski/HOU/ECT@ECT, VKaminski@aol.com
cc:
Subject: Fwd: [Fwd: FW: Joys of Flying!]

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Date: Wed, 08 Mar 2000 17:04:11 -0500
From: Marta Krawczyk <martus@worldnet.att.net<
Reply-To: martus@att.net
Organization: My Kentucky Home
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To: "Marla K. Burns" <burnsmk@worldnet.att.net<, ludkam@aol.com
Subject: [Fwd: FW: Joys of Flying!]
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a to zarciki od mojego dziecka
m

Piotr Krawczyk wrote:

< -----Original Message-----
< From: ykl0089@labs.tamu.edu [SMTP:ykl0089@labs.tamu.edu]
< Sent: Thursday, February 17, 2000 7:51 AM
< To: Blair Myers; Piotr Krawczyk; A.L. Lubawy" <lubawy@rice.edu; Peg &
Ron Nutt; Saima Ismaili; theresa; benji
< Subject: Joys of Flying!
<
< Subject: Fwd: Joys of Flying!
<
< These are funny!!!!!!!!!
<
< Occasionally, airline attendants make an effort to make the
< "in-flight safety lecture" and their other announcements a
< bit more entertaining.
<
< Here are some real examples that have been heard or reported:
<
< 1. From a Southwest Airlines employee.... "There may be 50
< ways to leave your lover, but there are only 4 ways out of
< this airplane..."
<
< 2. Pilot-"Folks, we have reached our cruising altitude now,
< so I am going to switch the seat belt sign off. Feel free to
< move about as you wish, but please stay inside the plane till
< we land...it's a bit cold outside, and if you walk on the
< wings it affects the flight pattern."
<
< 3. After landing: "Thank you for flying Delta Business
< Express. We hope you enjoyed giving us the business as much
< as we enjoyed taking you for a ride.
<
< 4. As the plane landed and was coming to a stop at Washington
< National, a lone voice comes over the loudspeaker: "Whoa, big
< fella. WHOA!"
<
< 5. After a particularly rough landing during thunderstorms in
< Memphis, a flight attendant on a Northwest flight announced:
< "Please take care when opening the overhead compartments
< because, after a landing like that, sure as hell everything
< has shifted."
<
< 6. From a Southwest Airlines employee.... "Welcome aboard
< Southwest Flight XXX to YYY. To operate your seatbelt, insert
< the metal tab into the buckle, and pull tight. It works just
< like every other seatbelt and if you don't know how to
< operate one, you probably shouldn't be out in public
< unsupervised. In the event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure,
< oxygen masks will descend from the ceiling. Stop screaming,
< grab the mask, and pull it over your face. If you have a
< small child traveling with you, secure your mask before
< assisting with theirs. If you are traveling with two small
< children, decide now which one you love more.
<
< 7. Weather at our destination is 50 degrees with some broken
< clouds, but they'll try to have them fixed before we arrive.
< Thank you, and remember, nobody loves you or your money, more
< than Southwest Airlines."
<
< 8. "Your seat cushions can be used for flotation and in the
< event of an emergency water landing, please take them with
< our compliments."
<
< 9. "As you exit the plane, please make sure to gather all
< of your belongings. Anything left behind will be distributed
< evenly among the flight attendants. Please do not leave
< children or spouses."
<
< 10. "Last one off the plane must clean it."
<
< 11. From the pilot during his welcome message: "We are pleased
< to have some of the best flight attendants in the industry...
< Unfortunately none of them are on this flight...!
<
< 12. Overheard on an American Airlines flight into Amarillo,
< Texas, on a particularly windy and bumpy day. During the final
< approach, the Captain was really having to fight it After an
< extremely hard landing, the Flight Attendant came on the PA
< and announced, "Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to Amarillo.
< Please remain in your seats with your seatbelts fastened while
< the Captain taxis what's left of our airplane to the gate!"
<
< 13. Another flight Attendant's comment on a less than perfect
< landing:
< "We ask you to please remain seated as Captain Kangaroo bounces
< us to the terminal."
<
< 14. An airline pilot wrote that on this particular flight he
< had hammered his ship into the runway really hard. The airline
< had a policy which required the first officer to stand at the
< door while the passengers exited, smile, and give them a
< "Thanks for flying XYZ airline." He said that in light of his
< bad landing, he had a hard time looking the passengers in the
< eye, thinking that someone would have a smart comment. Finally,
< everyone had gotten off except for this little old lady walking
< with a cane. She said, "Sonny, mind if I as you a question?"
< "Why no, Ma'am," said the pilot, "what is it?" The little old
< lady said, "Did we land or were we shot down?"
<
< 15. After a real crusher of a landing in Phoenix, the Flight
< Attendant came on with, "Ladies and Gentlemen, please remain in
< your seats until Captain Crash and the Crew have brought the
< aircraft to a screeching halt up against the gate. And, once
< the tire smoke has cleared and the warning bells are silenced,
< we'll open the door and you can pick your way through the
< wreckage to the terminal.
<
< 16. Part of a Flight Attendant's arrival announcement: "We'd
< like to thank you folks for flying with us today. And, the next
< time you get the insane urge to go blasting through the skies in
< a pressurized metal tube, we hope you'll think of us here at
< US Airways."