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---------- From: Joshua Weber Sent: Monday, November 26, 2001 1:56 PM To: Mark Brizendine; Mark Flum; Eric Fischesser; Alex Herman Subject: FW: Litle Johnny ---------- From: C. Corey Rice Sent: Friday, April 27, 2001 2:42 PM To: Roger Hayes; 'Tony Tricase'; 'Scott Dillon'; 'Ron Rice'; 'Nathan Huber'; 'Mike Higgins'; 'Mike Hammann'; 'Lori Watson'; 'Kevin Watson'; 'Justin Baker'; Joshua Weber; 'Josh Henry'; 'Jon Franconia'; 'John Neusel'; 'Jason Sanders'; 'Holly Hruska'; 'Geoff Luber'; 'Drew Dickerson'; 'Darren Betz'; 'Clay Shulhafer'; 'Chris Carmicle'; 'Cary Mckiernan' Subject: Litle Johnny Little Johnny LITTLE JOHNNY AND THE CONDOM Little Johnny walked into his dad's bedroom one day only to catch him sitting on the side of his bed sliding a condom onto his penis in preparation of sex with his wife. Johnny's father in an attempt to hide his full erection with a condom on it bent over as if to look under the bed. Little Johnny asked curiously "What ya doin dad? His father quickly replied, "I thought I saw a rat go underneath the bed." To which Little Johnny replied "What ya gonna do, fuck him?" LITTLE JOHNNY AND THE VAGINA Little Johnny's mother decided to give her son an anatomy lesson one day, so she took off all of her clothes and pointed to her vagina, and said, "Johnny, this is where you come from." Johnny went to school the next day smiling and insisting that all his friends now refer to him as Lucky Johnny "Why?" one asked. Johnny held his fingers an inch apart and said, "Because I came this close to being a turd." LITTLE JOHNNY, THE SMART ASS A traveling salesman rings the doorbell and 10-year-old Little Johnny answers, holding a beer and smoking a fat cigar. The salesman says, little boy, is your mother home?" Little Johnny taps his ash on the carpet and says, "What the fuck do you think?" LITTLE JOHNNY AND TEACHERS Little Johnny returns from school and says he got an F in arithmetic "Why?" asks the father. "The teacher asked 'How much is 2x3?' I said '6'" "But that's right!" "Then she asked me 'How much is 3x2?'" "What's the fucking difference?" asks the father. "That's what I said!" replied Little Johnny JOHNNY AND THE MULTI-SYLLABLE WORD Little Johnny goes to school, and the teacher says, 'Today we are going to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an example of a multi-syllable word?' Little Johnny waves his hand, 'Me, Miss Rogers, me, me!' Miss Rogers: All right, little Johnny, what is your multi-syllable word? Little Johnny says, 'Mas-tur-bate.' Miss Rogers smiles and says,'Wow, little Johnny, that's a mouthful.' Little Johnny says, 'No, Miss Rogers,you're thinking of a blowjob." LITTLE JOHNNY AND BABIES Little Johnny came running into the house and asked, "Mommy, can little girls have babies?" "No," said his Mom, "of course not." Little Johnny then ran back outside and his Mom heard him yell to his friends, "It's okay, we can play that game again!" LITTLE JOHNNY AND GOING TO THE BATHROOM Little Johnny was sitting in class one day. All of the sudden, he needed to go to the bathroom. He yelled out, "Miss Jones, I need to take a piss!" The teacher replied, "Now, Johnny, that is NOT the proper word to use in this situation. The correct word you want to use is 'urinate.' Please use the word 'urinate' in a sentence correctly, and I will allow you to go." Little Johnny thinks for a bit, then says, "You're an eight too, but if you had bigger tits, you'd be a ten!" LITTLE JOHNNY AND GRAMMAR One day, during a lesson on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a show of hands from those who could use the word "beautiful" in the same sentence twice. First, she called on little Suzy, who responded with, "My father bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it." "Very good, Suzy," replied the teacher. She then called on little Michael. "My mommy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out beautifully," he said. "Excellent, Michael!" Then, the teacher called on little Johnny. "Last night, at the dinner table, my sister told my father that she was pregnant, and he said, 'Beautiful, .......just fucking beautiful!'" C. Corey Rice APB Construction Solutions, Inc. Phone: (502) 664-6646 Fax: (502) 327-1435 www.apbcs.com
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