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Enron Mail |
<Subject: Had a Bad Day?
< < < < < < < < < All of you who occasionally have a really bad day when you just need to < < take < < < it out on someone!!! Don't take that bad day out on someone you know, < take < < < it out on someone you DON'T know!!! < < < < < < Now get this. I was sitting at my desk, when I remembered a phone call I < < had < < < to make. I found the number and dialled it. < < < < < < A man answered nicely saying,"Hello?" < < < < < < I politely said, "This is Patrick Hanifin and could I please speak to < < Robin < < < Carter?" < < < < < < Suddenly the phone was slammed down on me! I couldn't believe that < anyone < < < could be that rude. I tracked down Robin's correct number and called < her. < < < < < < She had transposed the last two digits incorrectly. After I hung up with < < < Robin, I spotted the wrong number still lying there on my desk. I < decided < < to < < < call it again. < < < < < < When the same person once more answered, I yelled "You're an asshole!" < and < < < hung up. Next to his phone number I wrote the word "asshole," and put it < < in < < < my desk drawer. < < < < < < Every couple of weeks, when I was paying bills, or had a really bad day, < < I'd < < < call him up. He'd answer, and I'd yell, "You're an asshole!" It would < < always < < < cheer me up. < < < < < < Later in the year the phone company introduced caller ID. This was a < real < < < disappointment for me, I would have to stop calling the asshole. Then < one < < < day I had an idea. I dialled his number, then heard his voice,"Hello." I < < < made up a name. "Hi. This is the sales office of the telephone company < < < and I'm just calling to see if you're familiar with our caller ID < < program?" < < < He went, "No! and slammed the phone down. I quickly called him back and < < < said, "That's because you're an asshole!" < < < < < < The reason I took the time to tell you this story, is to show you how if < < < there's ever anything really bothering you, you can do something about < it. < < < < < < Just dial 823-4863. Keep reading, it gets better. < < < < < < This old lady at the mall really took her time pulling out of the < parking < < < space. I didn't think she was ever going to leave. Finally, her car < began < < to < < < move and she started to very slowly back out of the slot. I backed up a < < < little more to give her plenty of room to pull out. Great, I thought, < < she's < < < finally leaving. All of a sudden this black Camaro comes flying up the < < other < < < side, and pulled into my spot. This guy jumps out, flips me the finger < and < < < jogs off into the mall. I notice the Camaro has a FOR SALE sign with his < < < phone number on it.... < < < < < < A couple of days later, I'm at home sitting at my desk. I had just < gotten < < < off the phone after calling 823-4863 and yelling, "You're an asshole!" < < (It's < < < really easy to call him now since I have his number on speed dial.) I < < < noticed the phone number of the guy with the black Camaro lying on my < desk < < < and < < < thought I'd better call this guy too. After a couple rings someone < < answered < < < the phone and said, "Hello." < < < < < < I said, "Is this the man with the black Camaro for sale?" < < < < < < "Yes, it is." < < < < < < "Can you tell me where I can see it?" < < < < < < "Yes, I live at 1802 West 34th street. It's a yellow house and the car's < < < parked right out front." < < < < < < I said, "What's your name?" < < < < < < "My name is Don Hansen." < < < < < < "When's a good time to catch you, Don?" < < < < < < "I'm home in the evenings." < < < < < < "Listen Don, can I tell you something?" < < < < < < "Yes," < < < < < < "Don, you're an asshole!" And I slammed the phone down. After I hung up < I < < < added Don Hansen's number to my speed dialer. < < < < < < For a while things seemed to be going better for me. Now when I had a < < < problem I had two assholes to call. Then, after several months of < calling < < < the assholes and hanging up on them it just < < < wasn't as enjoyable as it used to be. I gave the problem some serious < < < thought and came up with a < < < solution: < < < < < < First, I had my phone dial asshole #1. A man answered nicely saying, < < < "Hello." < < < < < < I yelled "You're an asshole!", but I didn't hang up. < < < < < < The asshole said, "Are you still there?" < < < < < < I said, "Yeah." < < < < < < He said, "Stop calling me." < < < < < < I said, "No." < < < < < < He said, "What's your name, Pal?" < < < < < < I said, "Don Hansen." < < < < < < He said "Where do you live?" < < < < < < 1802 West 34th Street. It's a yellow house and my black Camaro's parked < < out < < < front." < < < < < < "I'm coming over right now, Don. You'd better start saying your < prayers." < < < < < < "Yeah, like I'm really scared, asshole!" and I hung up. < < < < < < Then I called asshole #2. < < < < < < He answered, "Hello." < < < < < < I said, "Hello, asshole!" < < < < < < He said, "If I ever find out who you are..." < < < < < < "You'll what?" < < < < < < "I'll kick your ass." < < < < < < "Well, here's your chance. I'm coming over right now asshole!" And I < hung < < < up. Then I picked up the phone and called the police. I told them I was < at < < < 1802 West 34th Street and that I was going < < < to kill my gay lover as soon as he got home. Another quick call to < Channel < < < 13 about the gang war < < < going on down W.34th Street. After that I climbed into my car and < headed < < < over to 34th Street to watch the whole thing. < < < < < < Glorious! Watching two assholes kicking the crap out of each other in < < front < < < of 6 squad cars, a news crew and a police helicopter was one of the < < greatest < < < experiences of my life! < < < < < < Name withheld to protect the guilty. < < < < < < < < <
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