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Enron Mail |
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To EPLF and its sympathizers: Unless the toaster is returned immediately,=
SADIST will commence an escalating series of actions designed to bring al= l such terrorists to their knees. We realize there may be some collateral = damage, and for this we are truly sorry. But we must end toaster terror fo= rever. Beginning at 0900 hours on 10 January 2002, SADIST will commence th= e following series of actions (each subsequent action will commence 2 hours= after the preceeding sanction): 1. All deliveries of new business cards will be suspended 2. Napkins and paper towels will be removed from the kitchens 3. Post-it notes will be confiscated from all locations 4. Paper towels will be removed from all bathrooms 5. Toilet paper will be removed from all bathrooms ( Enron stock certificat= es will be issued for humanitarian reasons) If the toaster still has not been returned, SADIST will be forced to remove= all COFFEE FILTERS from the building, including the Energizer and Plaza Ja= va. Do not doubt our will to use this ultimate weapon, after all we are SA= DIST. =20 -----Original Message----- From: =09Brady, Andy =20 Sent:=09Wednesday, January 09, 2002 2:25 PM To:=09Kuehl, Toby Cc:=09Green, Alma; Matheson, Maggie; Carter, Zuela; Clapper, Karen; Bastida= , Nancy; Eldridge, Dale; Laferla, Lynda ; Collins, Marion; Howard, Jack; Ha= nagriff, Richard; Draemer, Mary ; Trevino, Linda; Studebaker, James ; River= s, Cynthia; Mulligan, Amy; Kowalke, Terry; Schoolcraft, Darrell; Kovalcik, = Tammy; Lokey, Teb; Buehler, Craig; Betancourt, Ramona ; Salinas, Marian; Br= own, Elizabeth Subject:=09RE: Paper Situation It has come to the attention of the Dedicated Information Technology Progra= mmers Addicted to Caffeine that we are somehow getting the short end of the= stick in these negotiations. We are generally used to this, but this is t= he last straw! Being an often overlooked faction in these wars, we are how= ever, very powerful. Unless you provide us with the affricated drinks we r= equire to survive, we will sabotage these negotiations. We start by asking= the following questions: What are your requirements for paper? Have you = documented these requirements. What is the cost justification for ordering= this paper? What printers are you using? Does IT have to support these p= rinters? That will cost extra money. What were the different requirements= surrounding your use of the toaster? Do you toast bread and waffles? Wha= t other uses do you have for the toaster? Anything not specifically includ= ed in your written requirements will be rejected as a scope enhancement and= will cost more money or cause a delay in the return of your toaster. To avoid further delays in the negotiations, please deliver bribes in 6-pac= ks of 24-ounce bottles of the following: Dr. Pepper, Mountain Dew, RC Cola= , Jolt. These payments should be left in the kitchen refrigerator so that = they will be cold when we drink them in the morning. Remember, paper without a working printer is the wrong print queue. A toas= ter without power is a metal storage box. We have the power and will use i= t. =20 DITPAC Command -----Original Message----- From: =09Kuehl, Toby =20 Sent:=09Wednesday, January 09, 2002 1:43 PM To:=09Green, Alma; Matheson, Maggie; Carter, Zuela; Clapper, Karen; Bastida= , Nancy; Eldridge, Dale; Laferla, Lynda ; Collins, Marion; Howard, Jack; Ha= nagriff, Richard; Draemer, Mary ; Trevino, Linda; Studebaker, James ; River= s, Cynthia; Mulligan, Amy; Kowalke, Terry; Schoolcraft, Darrell; Salinas, M= arian; Kovalcik, Tammy; Lokey, Teb; Buehler, Craig; Betancourt, Ramona=20 Subject:=09RE: Paper Situation We are willing to sit at the table and negotiate. SADIST has pushed us to = the brink! We have infiltrated the SADIST camp and know are in possession = of a toaster, AND blender. We have joined sides with EPLF to demand that o= ur paper supply stays in high demand. If our demands are not met by the en= d of today, we will be forced to sign over all our Enron stock options to y= our organization. This will cause your organization to implode!!=20 CCA (Crumb Crunchers of America) -----Original Message----- From: =09Lokey, Teb =20 Sent:=09Wednesday, January 09, 2002 11:21 AM To:=09Buehler, Craig Cc:=09Green, Alma; Studebaker, James ; Carpenter, Nancy; Giambrone, Laura; = Veatch, Stephen; Kilmer III, Robert; Lichtenwalter, Blair; Thompson, Debra;= Doll, Jeanette; Paschal, Zelda; Culwell, Christi; Allen, Kelly; Dietz, Ric= k Subject:=09Toaster We will never negotiate with toaster terrorists! We will eat raw bread for= ever rather than turn over a single sheet of paper - or even a single chad = - to those who would resort to such extortion. If we give in now, we will = only encourage such acts in the future. First our microwaves, then our fil= tered water dispenser, then our refrigerators will become targets of these = evil doers. Rather, we will hunt down those responsible for this dastardly= act, and bring them to justice or justice to them. We will also go after = any department supporting the evil doers as well as anyone who partakes of = bread (or Eggos or pop tarts) toasted in the purloined appliance! =20 EPLF -- you're TOAST!!!!! -----Original Message----- From: EPLF Subject: FW: Paper Situation We have your toaster!!! You'll get it back when our demands are met. Leave 4 boxes of 8 1/2 x 11 paper (no damn 3 hole punch paper either) under the TV on the west end of the 39th floor and you'll be toasting away within a few hours. This isn't from Craig; we've hacked into his email... Enron People's Liberation Front (EPLF)... -----Original Message----- From: Green, Alma=20 Getting paper for the floor is out of my hands. I have had three calls thi= s morning plus a note left on my desk to order paper. Donna Scott is working with the mail room.=20 Our toaster that Rick Dietz bought when we moved down here is missing this = A.M. Has been reported to Facilities who will report to Security. If anyo= ne knows anything, would you please let me know! =09Tnx, Alma G.
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