Fwd: FW: Flying High

---------------------- Forwarded by Phillip M Love/HOU/ECT on 04/17/2001
08:19 AM ---------------------------

"James Love" <James.Love@msl.redstone.army.mil< on 04/17/2001 06:09:55 AM
To: <Phillip.M.Love@enron.com<
cc:
Subject: Fwd: FW: Flying High

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From: "Dowling, Edmund" <EDowling@quantum-intl.com<
To: "James Love (E-mail)" <James.Love@msl.redstone.army.mil<, "Jim Burton
(E-mail)" <james.burton@nvl.army.mil<, "Nick Nickerson (E-mail)"
<foster.nickerson@nvl.army.mil<
Subject: FW: Flying High
Date: Mon, 16 Apr 2001 14:45:08 -0500
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Edmund A. Dowling
Quantum Research International
Phone: (256) 971-1800 ext 246
Cell: (256) 653-2599

-----Original Message-----
From: Deeter, Louis
Sent: Monday, April 16, 2001 1:07 PM
To: bec126@aol.com; <mailto:bec126@aol.com;< lindee2@aol.com;
<mailto:lindee2@aol.com;< hdeeter1@aol.com; <mailto:hdeeter1@aol.com;<
Liza.Puterman@pentagon.af.mil; <mailto:Liza.Puterman@pentagon.af.mil;<
wdeaton@earthlink.net; <mailto:wdeaton@earthlink.net;< Vaughn, Mark;
Dowling, Edmund; Sinclair, Bob; Suter, Denise; Taylor, Candace L Ms; Jones,
Frederick; Deaton, Phillip
Subject: Flying High

< All too rarely, airline attendants make an effort to make the in-flight
<safety lecture and their other announcements a bit more entertaining.
<Here are some real examples that have been heard or reported:
<
<~~~~~~~~~~~~
<
< On a Continental Flight with a very "senior" flight attendant crew, pilot
<said, "Ladies and gentlemen, we've reached cruising altitude and will be
<turning down the cabin lights. This is for your comfort and to
< enhance the appearance of your flight attendants."
<
< ~~~~~~~~~~~~
<
< On landing the stewardess said, "Please be sure to take all your
<belongings. If you are going to leave anything please make sure it's
<something we'd like to have."
<
< ~~~~~~~~~~~~
<
< "There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are only 4 ways out
<of this airplane."
<
< ~~~~~~~~~~~~
<
< "Thank you for flying Delta Business Express. We hope you enjoyed giving
<us the business as much as we enjoyed taking you for a ride."
<
< ~~~~~~~~~~~~
<
< As the plane landed and was coming to a stop at Washington National, a
<lone voice came over the loudspeaker: "Whoa, big fella. WHOA!"
<
< ~~~~~~~~~~~~
<
< A flight attendant on a Northwest flight announced: "Please take care
when
<opening the overhead compartments because, after a landing like that, sure
<as hell everything has shifted."
<
< ~~~~~~~~~~~~
<
< <From a Southwest Airlines employee...."Welcome aboard Southwest Flight
XXX
<to YYY. To operate your seat belt, insert the metal tab into the buckle,
<and pull tight. It works just like every other seat belt, and if you don't
<know how to operate one, you probably shouldn't be out in public
<unsupervised."
<
< ~~~~~~~~~~~~
<
< In the event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure, masks will descend from
<the ceiling. Stop screaming, grab the mask, and pull it over your face. If
<you have a small child traveling with you, secure your mask before
< assisting with theirs. If you are traveling with more than one small
<child...pick your favorite.
<
< ~~~~~~~~~~~~
<
< Weather at our destination is 50 degrees with some broken clouds, but
<we'll try to have them fixed before we arrive. Thank you, and remember,
<nobody loves you, or your money, more than Southwest Airlines."
<
< ~~~~~~~~~~~~
<
< "Your seat cushions can be used for flotation, and in the event of an
<emergency water landing, please paddle to shore and take them with our
<compliments."
<
< ~~~~~~~~~~~~
<
< "Should the cabin lose pressure, oxygen masks will drop from the overhead
<area. Please place the bag over your own mouth and nose before assisting
<children... or other adults acting like children."
<
< ~~~~~~~~~~~~
<
< "As you exit the plane, make sure to gather all of your belongings.
<Anything left behind will be distributed evenly among the flight
<attendants. Please do not leave children or spouses."
<
< ~~~~~~~~~~~~
<
< "Last one off the plane must clean it."
<
< ~~~~~~~~~~~
<
< And from the pilot during his welcome message: "Delta airlines is pleased
<to have some of the best flight attendants in the industry.
Unfortunately,
<none of them are on this flight!"
<
< ~~~~~~~~~~~~
<
< Heard on Southwest Airlines just after a very hard landing in Salt Lake
<City: The flight attendant came on the intercom and said, "That was quite
a
<bump and I know what y'all are thinking. I'm here to tell you it wasn't
< the airline's fault, it wasn't the pilot's fault, it wasn't the flight
<attendant's fault ... it was the asphalt!"
<
< ~~~~~~~~~~~~
<
< Overheard on an American Airlines flight into Amarillo, Texas, on a
<particularly windy and bumpy day. During the final approach the Captain
was
<really having to fight it. After an extremely hard landing, the Flight
<Attendant said, "Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to Amarillo. Please remain
<in your seats with your seat belts fastened while the Captain taxis what's
<left of our airplane to the gate!"
<
< ~~~~~~~~~~~~
<
< Another flight attendant's comment on a less than perfect landing: "We
ask
<you to please remain seated as Captain Kangaroo bounces us to the
<terminal."
<
<~~~~~~~~~~~~
<
< An airline pilot wrote that on this particular flight he had hammered his
<ship into the runway really hard. The airline had a policy which required
<the first officer to stand at the door while the passengers exited, smile,
< and give them a "Thanks for flying XYZ airline." He said that in light of
<his bad landing, he had a hard time looking the passengers in the eye,
<thinking that someone would have a smart comment. Finally everyone had
< gotten off except for a little old lady walking with a cane. She said,
<"Sonny, mind if I ask you a question?" "Why no Ma'am," said the pilot,
<"what is it?" The little old lady asked, "Did we land or were we shot
<down?"
<
< ~~~~~~~~~~~~
<
< After a real crusher of a landing in Phoenix, the Flight Attendant came
on
<with, "Ladies and Gentlemen, please remain in your seats until Capt.Crash
<and the Crew have brought the aircraft to a screeching halt against
< the gate. And, once the tire smoke has cleared and the warning bells are
<silenced, we'll open the door and you can pick your way through the
<wreckage to the terminal."
<
< ~~~~~~~~~~~~
< Part of a flight attendant's arrival announcement: "We'd like to thank
<you folks for flying with us today. And, the next time you get the insane
<urge to go blasting through the skies in a pressurized metal tube, we hope
<you'll think of US Airways."
<
< ~~~~~~~~~~~~
<
< A plane was taking off from Kennedy Airport. After it reached a
<comfortable cruising altitude, the captain made an announcement over the
<intercom, "Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking. Welcome
to
<Flight Number 293, nonstop from New York to Los Angeles. The weather ahead
<is good and therefore we should have a smooth and uneventful flight. Now
<sit back and relax -- OH MY GOD!" Silence followed and after a few
minutes,
<the captain came back on the intercom and said, "Ladies and Gentlemen, I
am
<so sorry if I scared you earlier, but while I was talking, the flight
<attendant brought me a cup of coffee and spilled the hot coffee in my lap.
<You should see the front of my pants!" A passenger in Coach said, "That's
<nothing, he should see the back of mine!"
<