FW: If Santa answered his mail honestly

-----Original Message-----
From: Bronstein, Mara
Sent: Friday, December 07, 2001 8:47 AM
To: Ward, Kim S (Houston)
Subject: FW: If Santa answered his mail honestly

-----Original Message-----
From: Corbett Scott [mailto:ascott@tulane.edu]
Sent: Thursday, December 06, 2001 10:43 PM
To: Tracie Ashe; Tiffany Putman; Ricardo Romo-Leroux; Philip Arnold; Maya Goldberg; Mark Freeman; Lucia Windsor; Lane Williams; Krystal Putman; Kristen Gillis; Joel Roberts; Gaines Pittenger; Ellen Goldberg; Edna Echandi-Guzman; Deuce Greathouse; Cindy Tysdal; Catherine Turnipseed; Catherine Sonderman; Bronstein, Mara
Subject: Fw: If Santa answered his mail honestly

<If Santa answered his mail honestly...
<
<
<Dear Santer I wud like a kool toy space ranjur fer
<Xmas. Iv
<ben a gud boy all yeer.
<
<Yer Frend, BiLLy
<
<
<Dear Billy, Nice spelling. You're on your way to a
<career in
<lawn care. How about I send you a fucking book so you
<can learn to read
<and write? I'm giving your older brother the space
<ranger. At least HE
<can spell!
<
<Santa
<
<--------------------------------------------------------------------------
<
<Dear Santa, I have been a good girl all year, and the
<only
<thing I ask for is peace and joy in the world for
<everybody!
<
<Love, Sarah
<
<
<Dear Sarah, Your parents smoked pot when they had you,
<didn't
<they?
<
<Santa
<
<---------------------------------------------------------------------
< ----------
<
<Dear Santa, I don't know if you can do this, but for
<Christmas,
<I'd like for my mommy and daddy to get back together.
<Please see what you can do.
<
<Love,Teddy
<
<Dear Teddy, Look, your dad's banging the babysitter
<like a screen
<door in a hurricane. Do you think he's gonna give that
<up to come
<back to your frigid mom, who rides his ass constantly?
<It's time to
<give up that dream. Let me get you some nice Legos
<instead.
<
<Santa
<
<-----------------------------------------------------------------------
<
<Dear Santa, I want a new bike, a Playstation, a train,
<some
<G.I.Joes, a dog, a drum kit, a pony and a tuba.
<
<Love, Francis
<
<Dear Francis, Who names their kid "Francis" nowadays?
<I bet
<you're gay.
<
<Santa
<
<--------------------------------------------------------------------------
<
<Dear Santa, I left milk and cookies for you under the
<tree,
<and I left carrots for your reindeer outside the back
<door.
<
<Love, Susan
<
<Dear Susan, Milk gives me the runs and carrots make
<the deer
<fart in my face when riding in the sleigh. You want to
<do me a favour?
<Leave me a bottle of scotch.
<
<Santa
<
<------------------------------------------------------------------------
<
<Dear Santa, What do you do the other 364 days of the
<year? Are
<you busy making toys?
<
<Your friend, Thomas
<
<Dear Thomas, All the toys are made in China. I have a
<condo in
<Vegas, where I spend most of my time making low-budget
<porno films.
<I unwind by drinking myself silly and squeezing the
<asses of cocktail
<waitresses while losing money at the craps table. Hey,
<you wanted to
<know.
<
<Santa
<
<--------------------------------------------------------------------------
<
<Dear Santa, Do you see us when we're sleeping, do you
<really
<know when we're awake, like in the song?
<
<Love, Jessica
<
<Dear Jessica, Are you really that gullible? Good luck
<in
<whatever you do. I'm skipping your house.
<
<Santa
<
<--------------------------------------------------------------------------
<
<Dear Santa, I really really want a puppy this year.
<Please
<please please PLEASE PLEASE could I have one?
<
<Timmy
<
<Timmy, That whiney begging shit may work with your
<folks, but
<that crap doesn't work with me. You're getting a
<sweater again.
<
<Santa
<
<--------------------------------------------------------------------------
<
<Dearest Santa, We don't have a chimney in our house,
<how do you
<get into our home?
<
<Love, Marky
<
<Mark, First, stop calling yourself "Marky", that's why
<you're
<getting your ass whipped at school. Second, you don't
<live in a
<house, you live in a low-rent apartment complex.
<Third, I get inside your pad
<just like all the burglars
<
<
<__________________________________________________
<Do You Yahoo!?
<Buy the perfect holiday gifts at Yahoo! Shopping.
<http://shopping.yahoo.com
<--=_38650742.1574189D--
<
<