Alcohol Warning Labels

I'm thinking they were targeting you guys for some of these...Gerald, I
think numbers four (the official third stage of G), eight (picking fights
and pushing Eric and/or Ryan after drinking) and eleven (I'm so smart
because I work at Enron and you can't teach this you pauper, I need to pump
up my pomp) are for you. Jeff, numbers two (I'll go upstairs right now and
talk to my neighbors and ask them if I'm too loud), five & three (Sinatra
and shadow dancing) and thirteen (every time we go out) are yours. And
Eric, number ten is you. Although the rash would be caused by a mysterious,
moving ramp or stairs and the redness would occur on your ass, not your
forehead!

Due to increasing products liability litigation, American beer brewers
have accepted the FDA's suggestion that the following warning
labels be placed immediately on all beer containers:

1. WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what
the hell happened to your bra.

2. WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you are
whispering when you are not.

3. WARNING: The consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing
like an retard.

4. WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell your
friends over and over again that you love them.

5. WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to think you
can sing.

6. WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe that
ex-lovers are really dying for you to telephone them at four in
the morning.

7. WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you can
logically converse with other members of the opposite sex without
spitting.

8. WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you have
mystical Kung Fu powers, resulting in you getting your ass
kicked.

9. WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to roll over in
the morning and see something really scary.

10. WARNING: The consumption of alcohol is the leading cause of
inexplicable rug burns on the forehead.

11. WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that
you are tougher, smarter, faster and better looking than most
people.

12. WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe you
are invisible.

13. WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to think people
are laughing WITH you.

14. WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause a disturbance in
the times pace continuum, whereby gaps of time may seem to
literally disappear.

15. WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause pregnancy.