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----- Forwarded by Brian Hendon/Enron Communications on 11/06/00 05:58 PM
----- Tom Huntington 11/06/00 05:41 PM To: Lex Carroll/Enron Communications@Enron Communications, Peter Heintzelman/Enron Communications@Enron Communications, rob_mcdonald@enron.net, Brian Spector/Enron Communications@Enron Communications, Ethan Schultz/Enron Communications@Enron Communications, Stephen Thome/HOU/ECT@ECT, David Reinfeld/Enron Communications@Enron Communications, John McPherson/Enron Communications@Enron Communications, Brian Hendon/Enron Communications@Enron Communications, Robert Cooper/Enron Communications@Enron Communications, Jay Hawthorn/Enron Communications@Enron Communications, Richard Schneider/Enron Communications@Enron Communications, Bryan Garrett/Enron Communications@Enron Communications, Grant Zimmerman/Enron Communications@Enron Communications, squishy@hotmail.com cc: Subject: Chili <From: "Evan Betzer" <evan_betzer@hotmail.com< <To: tomhuntington@hotmail.com <Subject: Fwd: Texas <Date: Mon, 06 Nov 2000 13:50:32 CST < < < < <<From: "Keith" <keithstepp@hotmail.com< <<To: "Merry Mathes" <merrym@burlen.com<, "Sarah Clark" <sasahck@yahoo.com<, <<"Evan" <evan_betzer@hotmail.com<, "Jeff" <kennedy_jeffrey@hotmail.com<, <<"Yan" <tigerbalm_9999@yahoo.com<, "Steve Miao" <zmiao@hotmail.com<, "CB" <<<cbheng@yahoo.com<, "Mickey Mericle" <bassetpal1@aol.com< <<Subject: Texas <<Date: Mon, 6 Nov 2000 16:09:07 +0800 << <<Too funny not to share.... << << << <<INEXPERIENCED CHILI TASTER << << << << << <<These are notes from an inexperienced chili taster named FRANK, who was << << <<visiting Texas from New Jersey and fell into it: << << << << << <<"Recently I was lucky enough to be the 10,000th attendee at the State << << <<Fair in Texas, and was asked to fill in to be a judge << << <<at a chili cook-off. Apparently the original judge #3 called in sick at << << <<the last moment, and I happened to be standing << << <<there when the call came in. I was assured by the other two judges << << <<(Native Texans) that it would be a fun event and a true << << <<taste of Texas hospitality. They assured me that the chili wouldn't be << << <<all that spicy, and besides they told me I could << << <<have free beer during the tasting, so I accepted. Here are the << << <<scorecards from the event: << << << << << <<Chili # 1: Mike's Maniac Mobster Monster Chili << << << << << <<JUDGE ONE: A little too heavy on tomato. Amusing kick. << << <<JUDGE TWO: Nice, smooth tomato flavor. Very mild. << << <<FRANK: Holy shit, what the hell is this stuff? You could remove dried << << <<paint from your driveway with it. Took me two beers << << <<to put the flames out. Hope that's the worst one. These Texans are << << <<crazy. << << << << << <<Chili # 2: Arthur's Afterburner Chili << << << << << <<JUDGE ONE: Smoky, with a hint of pork. Slight Jalapeno tang. << << <<JUDGE TWO: Exciting BBQ flavor, needs more peppers to be taken << << <<seriously. << << <<FRANK: Keep this out of reach of children! I'm not sure what I am << << <<supposed to taste besides pain. I had to wave off two << << <<people who wanted to give me the Heimlich maneuver. They had to << << <<walkie-talkie in 3 extra beers when they saw the look on my face. << << << << << << Chili # 3: Fred's Famous Burn Down the Barn Chili << << << << << <<JUDGE ONE: Excellent firehouse chili! Great kick. Needs more beans. << << <<JUDGE TWO: A beanless chili, a bit salty, good use of red peppers. << << <<FRANK: Call the EPA, I've located a uranium spill. My nose feels like I << << << << << <<have been snorting Drano. Everyone knows the << << <<routine by now. Barmaid pounded me on the back; now my backbone is in << << <<the front part of my chest. 'm getting shit-faced. << << << << << << Chili # 4: Bubba's Black Magic << << << << << <<JUDGE ONE: Black bean chili with almost no spice. Disappointing. << << <<JUDGE TWO: Hint of lime in the black beans. Good side dish for fish or << << <<other mild foods, not much of a chili. << << <<FRANK: I felt something scraping across my tongue, but was unable to << << <<taste it. Sally, the bar maid, was standing behind me << << <<with fresh refills; that 300 lb. bitch is starting to look HOT, just << << <<like this nuclear-waste I'm eating. << << << << << <<Chili # 5: Linda's Legal Lip Remover << << << << << <<JUDGE ONE: Meaty, strong chili. Cayenne peppers freshly ground, adding << << <<considerable kick. Very impressive. << << <<JUDGE TWO: Chili using shredded beef; could use more tomato. Must admit << << << << << <<the cayenne peppers make a strong statement. << << <<FRANK: My ears are ringing, and I can no longer focus my eyes. I farted << << << << << <<and four people behind me needed paramedics. The << << <<contestant seemed offended when I told her that her chili had given me << << <<brain damage. Sally saved my tongue from bleeding << << <<by pouring beer directly on it from a pitcher. It really pisses me off << << <<that the other judges asked me to stop screaming. << << <<Screw those rednecks! << << << << << << Chili # 6: Vera's Very Vegetarian Variety << << << << << <<JUDGE ONE: Thin yet bold vegetarian variety chili. Good balance of << << <<spice and peppers. << << <<JUDGE TWO: The best yet. Aggressive use of peppers, onions, and garlic. << << <<Superb. << << <<FRANK: My intestines are now a straight pipe filled with gaseous, << << <<sulfuric flames. No one seems inclined to stand behind me << << <<except that slut Sally. I need to wipe my ass with a snow cone! << << << << << <<Chili # 7: Susan's Screaming Sensation Chili << << << << << <<JUDGE ONE: A mediocre chili with too much reliance on canned peppers. << << <<JUDGE TWO: Ho Hum, tastes as if the chef literally threw in a can of << << <<chili peppers at the last moment. I should note that I << << <<am worried about Judge Number 3. He appears to be in a bit of distress << << <<as he is cursing uncontrollably. << << <<FRANK: You could put a grenade in my mouth, pull the pin, and I <<wouldn't << << << << << <<feel a damn thing. I've lost the sight in one eye, << << <<and the world sounds like it is made of rushing water. My shirt is << << <<covered with chili which slid unnoticed out of my mouth. << << <<My pants are full of lava-like shit to match my damn shirt. At least << << <<during the autopsy they'll know what killed me. I've << << <<decided to stop breathing, it's too painful. Screw it, I'm not getting << << <<any oxygen anyway. If I need air, I'll just suck << << <<it in through the 4inch hole in my stomach. << << << << << << Chili # 8: Helen's Mount Saint Chili << << << << << <<JUDGE ONE: A perfect ending, this is a nice blend chili, safe for all, << << <<not too bold but spicy enough to declare its existence. << << <<JUDGE TWO: This final entry is a good, balanced chili, neither mild nor << << <<hot. Sorry to see that most of it was lost when << << <<Judge Number 3 passed out, fell and pulled the chili pot on top of << << <<himself. Not sure if he's going to make it. Poor Yank. << << <<FRANK: --------------(editor's note: Judge #3 was unable To report) << << << << < _________________________________________________________________________ Get Your Private, Free E-mail from MSN Hotmail at http://www.hotmail.com. Share information about yourself, create your own public profile at http://profiles.msn.com.
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