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Enron Mail |
touche! But these won't work because they are too specific to my dynamic
personality. Whereas, your warnings are general bad behaviors by the average joe drunkard. How's it going? How's Barb? Tell her hello for me. Are you lonely over there at the big E? I hear you're finally getting your fat butt over and finishing up the job you abandoned. kidding. So we're going to the game Saturday night? Should be fun. Chao. Gerald.Nemec@ enron.com To: jennifer-gillaspie@reliantenergy.com cc: EGillaspie@coral-energy.com 05/17/01 Subject: Re: Alcohol Warning Labels 05:12 PM How about a few for Martha!!! 1. Warning: The consumption of alcohol may cause Baby to think there is an elaborate conspiracy occurring at the bars in Mexico to send everyone home and rain on Baby' fun. 2. Warning: The lack of a functional hair dryer may cause Baby's world to come crashing down, and spur demands that we fly home from Europe stat!! jennifer-gillaspie@reliant energy.com To: EGillaspie@coral-energy.com, gerald.nemec@enron.com, jgillaspieci3@netzero.net 05/17/2001 03:49 PM cc: Subject: Alcohol Warning Labels I'm thinking they were targeting you guys for some of these...Gerald, I think numbers four (the official third stage of G), eight (picking fights and pushing Eric and/or Ryan after drinking) and eleven (I'm so smart because I work at Enron and you can't teach this you pauper, I need to pump up my pomp) are for you. Jeff, numbers two (I'll go upstairs right now and talk to my neighbors and ask them if I'm too loud), five & three (Sinatra and shadow dancing) and thirteen (every time we go out) are yours. And Eric, number ten is you. Although the rash would be caused by a mysterious, moving ramp or stairs and the redness would occur on your ass, not your forehead! Due to increasing products liability litigation, American beer brewers have accepted the FDA's suggestion that the following warning labels be placed immediately on all beer containers: 1. WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the hell happened to your bra. 2. WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you are whispering when you are not. 3. WARNING: The consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like an retard. 4. WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell your friends over and over again that you love them. 5. WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to think you can sing. 6. WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe that ex-lovers are really dying for you to telephone them at four in the morning. 7. WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you can logically converse with other members of the opposite sex without spitting. 8. WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you have mystical Kung Fu powers, resulting in you getting your ass kicked. 9. WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to roll over in the morning and see something really scary. 10. WARNING: The consumption of alcohol is the leading cause of inexplicable rug burns on the forehead. 11. WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are tougher, smarter, faster and better looking than most people. 12. WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe you are invisible. 13. WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to think people are laughing WITH you. 14. WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause a disturbance in the times pace continuum, whereby gaps of time may seem to literally disappear. 15. WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause pregnancy.
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