Fw: RULES OF AIR

Forward this to your dad please. I lost his address. Gracias.
----- Original Message -----
From: Michelle Eppright <michelle@epprighthomes.com<
To: KATHY & TRAVIS KELLEY <TDKELLEY@EV1.NET<
Sent: Thursday, October 26, 2000 11:23 AM
Subject: RULES OF AIR

< YOU'VE GOT TO FORWARD THIS TO YOUR DAD!!
< :
< <
< <
< < Subject: Rules of Air
< <
< < This appeared in the current issue of Australian Aviation Magazine (June
< < 2000?)
< <
< < 1. Every takeoff is optional. Every landing is mandatory.
< < 2. If you push the stick forward, the houses get bigger. If you pull the
< < stick back, they get smaller. That is, unless you keep pulling the stick
< all
< < the way back, then they get bigger again.
< < 3. Flying isn't dangerous. Crashing is what's dangerous.
< < 4. It's always better to be down here wishing you were up there than up
< < there
< < wishing you were down here.
< < 5. The ONLY time you have too much fuel is when you're on fire.
< < 6. The propeller is just a big fan in front of the plane used to keep
the
< < pilot cool. When it stops, you can actually watch the pilot start
< sweating.
< < 7. When in doubt, hold on to your altitude. No one has ever collided
with
< < the
< < sky.
< < 8. A 'good' landing is one from which you can walk away. A 'great'
landing
< < is
< < one after which they can use the plane again.
< < 9. Learn from the mistakes of others. You won't live long enough to make
< all
< < of them yourself.
< < 10. You know you've landed with the wheels up if it takes full power to
< taxi
< < to the ramp.
< < 11. The probability of survival is inversely proportional to the angle
of
< < arrival. Large angle of arrival, small probability of survival and vice
< < versa.
< < 12. Never let an aircraft take you somewhere your brain didn't get to
five
< < minutes earlier.
< < 13. Stay out of clouds. The silver lining everyone keeps talking about
< might
< < be another airplane going in the opposite direction. Reliable sources
also
< < report that mountains have been known to hide out in clouds.
< < 14. Always try to keep the number of landings you make equal to the
number
< < of
< < take-offs you've made.
< < 15. There are three simple rules for making a smooth landing.
< Unfortunately
< < no one knows what they are.
< < 16. You start with a bag full of luck and an empty bag of experience.
The
< < trick is to fill the bag of experience before you empty the bag of luck.
< < 17. Helicopters can't fly; they're just so ugly the earth repels them.
< < 18. If all you can see out of the window is ground that's going round
and
< < round and all you can hear is commotion coming from the passenger
< < compartment, things are not at all as they should be.
< < 19. In the ongoing battle between objects made of aluminum going
hundreds
< of
< < miles per hour and the ground going zero miles per hour, the ground has
< yet
< < to lose.
< < 20. Good judgment comes from experience. Unfortunately, the experience
< < usually comes from bad judgment.
< < 21. It's always a good idea to keep the pointy end going forward as much
< as
< < possible.
< < 22. Keep looking around. There's always something you've missed.
< < 23. Remember, gravity is not just a good idea. It's the law. And it's
not
< < subject to repeal.
< < 24. The three most useless things to a pilot are the altitude above you,
< < runway behind you, and a tenth of a second ago
< < -----------------------------
< <
< < Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by US Air Force
< pilots
< < and the replies from the maintenance crews. "Squawks" are problem
listings
< < that pilots generally leave for maintenance crews to fix before the next
< < flight.
< <
< < (P)=PROBLEM (S)=SOLUTION
< <
< < (P) Left inside main tire almost needs replacement
< < (S) Almost replaced left inside main tire
< <
< < (P) Test flight OK, except autoland very rough,
< < (S) Autoland not installed on this aircraft
< <
< < (P) #2 Propeller seeping prop fluid,
< < (S) #2 Propeller seepage normal - #1 #3 and #4propellers lack normal
< < seepage
< <
< < (P) Something loose in cockpit
< < (S) Something tightened in cockpit
< <
< < (P) Evidence of leak on right main landing gear
< < (S) Evidence removed
< <
< < (P) DME volume unbelievably loud
< < (S) Volume set to more believable level
< <
< < (P) Dead bugs on windshield
< < (S) Live bugs on order
< <
< < (P) Autopilot in altitude hold mode produces a200 fpm descent
< < (S) Cannot reproduce problem on ground
< <
< < (P) IFF inoperative
< < (S) IFF always inoperative in OFF mode
< <
< < (P) Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick
< < (S) That's what they're there for
< <
< < (P) Number three engine missing
< < (S) Engine found on right wing after brief search
< <
< < (P) Aircraft handles funny
< < (S) Aircraft warned to straighten up, "flyright" and be serious
< <
< < (P) Target Radar hums
< < (S) Reprogrammed Target Radar with the words
< <
< <
< <
<
<