SEVEN REASONS TO CRAWL UNDER A ROCK

These are worth a read!!!

< < SEVEN REASONS TO CRAWL UNDER A ROCK
< <
< <
< < 1. CURL UP AND DIE:
< < I walked into a hair salon with my husband and
< < three kids in tow and asked loudly, "How much do
< < you charge for a shampoo and a blow job?"
< < -
< < Melinda Lowe, 39, Seguin TX
< <
< < 2. PAD PLEASE:
< < An insurance man visited me at home to talk about
< < our mortgage insurance. He was throwing a lot of
< < facts and figures at me, and I wanted to follow
< < as best I could, so I told my 6-year-old son to
< < run and get me a pad. He came back and handed me
< < a Kotex right in front of our guest.
< < -
< < Kate Newman, 46, Winston-Salem, NC
< <
< < 3. HO, HO, HO:
< < I was taking a shower when my 2-year-old son came
< < into the bathroom and wrapped himself in toilet
< < paper. Although he made a mess, he looked adorable,
< < so I ran for my camera and took a few shots. They
< < came out so well that I had copies made and
< < included one with each of our Christmas cards.
< < Days later, a relative called about the picture,
< < laughing hysterically, and suggesting I take a
< < closer look. Puzzled, I stared at the photo and was
< < shocked to discover that in addition to my son, I
< < had captured my reflection in the mirror wearing
< < nothing but a camera!
< < -
< < Name Withheld
< <
< < 4. LADY GOLFER:
< < I was at the golf store comparing different kinds
< < of golf balls. I was unhappy with the women's type
< < I had been using. After browsing for several
< < minutes, I was approached by one of the good-looking
< < gentlemen who works at the store. He asked if he
< < could help me. Without thinking, looked at him and
< < said, "I think I like playing with men's balls".
< < -
< < Colleen Collins, 31, Ferndale, MI
< <
< < 5. NUTS ABOUT YOU:
< < My sister and I were at the mall and passed by a
< < store that sold a variety of nuts. As we were looking
< < at the display case, the boy behind the counter asked
< < if we needed any help. I replied, "No, I'm just
< < looking at your nuts." My sister started to laugh
< < hysterically, the boy grinned, and I turned beet-red
< < and walked away. To this day, my sister has never let
< < me forget.
< < -
< < Faye Emerick, 34, Ellerslie, MD
< <
< < 6. PRICELESS:
< < A lady picked up several items at a discount store.
< < When she finally got up to the checker, she learned
< < that one of her items had no price tag. Imagine her
< < embarrassment when the checker got on the intercom
< < and boomed out for all the store to hear, "PRICE CHECK
< < ON LANE THIRTEEN, TAMPAX, SUPER SIZE." That was bad
< < enough, but somebody at the rear of the store
< < apparently misunderstood the word "Tampax" for
< < "THUMBTACKS." And, in a business-like tone, boomed
< < back over the intercom. "DO YOU WANT THE KIND YOU
< < PUSH IN WITH YOUR THUMB OR THE KIND YOU POUND IN
< < WITH A HAMMER?"
< <
< < 7. MOM'S ADVICE: < < < <
< <
< < A teacher noticed that a little boy at the back of
< < the class was squirming around, scratching his crotch
< < and not paying attention. She went back to find out
< < what was going on. He was quite embarrassed and
< < whispered that he had just recently been circumcised
< < and he was quite itchy. The teacher told him to go
< < down to the principal's office. He was to phone his
< < mother and ask her what he should do about it. He did
< < it and returned to his class. Suddenly, there was a
< < commotion at the back of the room. She went back to
< < investigate only to find him sitting at his desk with
< < his penis hanging out. "I thought I told you to call
< < your mom." She screamed. "I did," He said, "And
< she
< < told me that if I could stick it out till noon, she'd
< < come and pick me up from school."
< <