Fwd: 27 things you wish you could say at WORK

______________________________ Forward Header
__________________________________
Subject: 27 things you wish you could say at WORK
Author: Lettie Favela at frb-branch-2
Date: 11/10/00 5:22 PM

< THE 27 TOP THINGS YOU WISH YOU COULD SAY AT WORK
< 1. I can see your point, but I still think you're full of shit.
< 2. I have plenty of talent and vision. I just don't give a fuck.
< 3. How about "never"? Is "never" good enough for you?
< 4. It sounds like English, but I can't understand a word you're saying.
< 5. I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in
< public.
< 6. Ahhh, I see the fuck-up fairy has visited us again.
< 7. You are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers.
< 8. Stop, I'm already visualising the duct tape over your
mouth.
< 9. The fact that no one understands you doesn't mean you're an artist.
< 10. Someday, we'll look back on this, laugh nervously and change the
< subject.
< 11. I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you.
< 12. I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to
< pronounce.
< 13. Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental.
< 14. I like you. You remind me of when I was young and stupid.
< 15. What am I? Flypaper for freaks!?
< 16. I'm not being rude. You're just insignificant.
< 17. Thank you. We're all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of
< view.
< 18. It's a thankless job, but I've got a lot of Karma to burn off.
< 19. Yes, I am an agent of Satan, but my duties are largely ceremonial.
< 20. No, my powers can only be used for good.
< 21. I'm really easy to get along with once people learn to worship me.
< 22. You sound reasonable......time to up my medication.
< 23. I'll try being nicer if you'll try being smarter.
< 24. I'm out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message.
< 25. I don't work here. I'm a consultant.
< 26. Who me? I just wander from room to room.
< 27. My toys! My toys! I can't do this job without my toys.
So just leave them alone before you make them want to
leave as well.

< Useful Expressions for those HIGH STRESS days
< 1. Well, aren't we just a ray of fucking sunshine?
< 2. Not the brightest crayon in the box now, are we?
< 3. Do I look like a fucking people person?
< 4. This isn't an office. It's Hell with fluorescent lighting.
< 5. I pretend to work. They pretend to pay me.
< 6. You!!! Off my planet!!
< 7. Practice random acts of intelligence & senseless acts of
< self-control.
< 8. I like cats too. Let's exchange recipes.
< 9. Did the aliens forget to remove your anal probe?
< 10. And your crybaby whiny-assed opinion would be...?
< 11. How many times do I have to flush before you go away?
< 12. Aw, did I step on your poor little itty bitty ego?
< 13. How do I set a laser printer to stun?
< 14. I'm not tense, just terribly, terribly alert.
< 15. When I want your opinion, I'll give it to you.
< 16. Earth is full, please go home.
<
<
<