---------------------- Forwarded by Kristian J Lande/HOU/ECT on 12/13/2000
01:48 PM ---------------------------

Kristian J Lande

12/13/2000 01:44 PM

To: Tracy Ngo/PDX/ECT@ECT, Todd Perry/PDX/ECT@ECT
cc:
Subject:

Subject: Lost in Translation ....
<
<
<Tokyo hotel's rules and regulations:
<GUESTS ARE REQUESTED NOT TO SMOKE OR DO OTHER DISGUSTING BEHAVIOURS IN
BED.
<
<Hotel Anders, Rome:
<ALL FEMALE GUESTS ARE WELCOME. PLEASE BRING OWN TOWELS FOR MORNING
SHOW.
<
<Hotel notice, Tokyo:
<IT IS FORBIDDEN TO STEAL HOTEL TOWELS PLEASE. IF YOU ARE NOT A PERSON
TO DO
<SUCH A THING IS PLEASE NOT TO READ NOTIS.
<
<On the menu of a Swiss restaurant:
<OUR WINES LEAVE YOU NOTHING TO HOPE FOR.
<
<In a Tokyo bar:
<SPECIAL COCKTAILS FOR THE LADIES WITH NUTS.
<
<In a Bangkok temple:
<IT IS FORBIDDEN TO ENTER A WOMAN EVEN A FOREIGNER IF DRESSED AS A MAN.
<
<Hotel room notice, Chiang-Mai, Thailand:
<PLEASE DO NOT BRING SOLICITORS INTO YOUR ROOM
<
<Hotel brochure, Italy:
<THIS HOTEL IS RENOWNED FOR ITS PEACE AND SOLITUDE. IN FACT, CROWDS
FROM ALL
<OVER THE WORLD FLOCK HERE TO ENJOY ITS SOLITUDE.
<
<Hotel lobby, Bucharest:
<THE LIFT IS BEING FIXED FOR THE NEXT DAY. DURING THAT TIME WE REGRET
THAT
<YOU WILL BE UNBEARABLE.
<
<In a Leipzig elevator:
<DO NOT ENTER THE LIFT BACKWARDS, AND ONLY WHEN LIT UP.
<
<Hotel elevator, Belgrade:
<TO MOVE THE CABIN, PUSH BUTTON FOR WISHING FLOOR. IF THE CABIN SHOULD
ENTER
<MORE PERSONS, EACH ONE SHOULD PRESS A NUMBER OF WISHING FLOOR.DRIVING
IS
<THEN GOING ALPHABETICALLY BY NATIONAL ORDER.
<
<Hotel elevator, Paris:
<PLEASE LEAVE YOUR VALUES AT THE FRONT DESK.
<
<Hotel, Athens:
<VISITORS ARE EXPECTED TO COMPLAIN AT THE OFFICE BETWEEN THE HOURS OF 9
AND
<11 AM DAILY.
<
<Hotel, Yugoslavia:
<THE FLATTENING OF UNDERWEAR WITH PLEASURE IS THE JOB OF THE
CHAMBERMAID.
<
<Hotel, Japan:
<YOU ARE INVITED TO TAKE ADVANTAGE OF THE CHAMBERMAID.
<
<Sign in Japanese public bath:
<FOREIGN GUESTS ARE REQUESTED NOT TO PULL COCK IN TUB.
<
<Sign in men's rest room in Japan:
<TO STOP LEAK TURN COCK TO THE RIGHT.
<
<In the lobby of a Moscow hotel across from a Russian Orthodox
monastery:
<YOU ARE WELCOME TO VISIT THE CEMETERY WHERE FAMOUS RUSSIAN AND SOVIET
<COMPOSERS, ARTISTS, AND WRITERS ARE BURIED DAILY EXCEPT THURSDAY.
<
<Hotel catering to skiers, Austria:
<NOT TO PERAMBULATE THE CORRIDORS IN THE HOURS OF REPOSE IN THE BOOTS
OF
<ASCENSION.
<
<Taken from a menu, Poland:
<SALAD A FIRM'S OWN MAKE; LIMPID RED BEET SOUP WITH CHEESY DUMPLINGS IN
THE
<FORM OF A FINGER; ROASTED DUCK LET LOOSE; BEEF RASHERS BEATEN UP IN
THE
<COUNTRY PEOPLE'S FASHION.
<
<Supermarket, Hong Kong:
<FOR YOUR CONVENIENCE, WE RECOMMEND COURTEOUS, EFFICIENT SELF-SERVICE.
<
<Dry cleaner's, Bangkok:
<DROP YOUR TROUSERS HERE FOR THE BEST RESULTS.
<
<Outside a dress shop, Paris:
<DRESSES FOR STREET WALKING.
<
<Outside a dress shop, Hong Kong:
<LADIES HAVE FITS UPSTAIRS.
<
<Tailor shop, Rhodesia:
<ORDER YOUR SUMMERS SUIT. BECAUSE IS BIG RUSH, WE WILL EXECUTE
CUSTOMERS IN
<STRICT ROTATION.
<
<In an East African newspaper:
<A NEW SWIMMING POOL IS RAPIDLY TAKING SHAPE SINCE THE CONTRACTORS HAVE
<THROWN IN THE BULK OF THEIR WORKERS.
<
<Hotel, Vienna:
<IN CASE OF FIRE, DO YOUR UTMOST TO ALARM THE HOTEL PORTER.
<
<A sign posted in Germany's Black Forest:
<IT IS STRICTLY FORBIDDEN ON OUR BLACK FOREST CAMPING SITE THAT PEOPLE
OF
<DIFFERENT SEX, FOR INSTANCE, MEN AND WOMEN, LIVE TOGETHER IN ONE TENT
UNLESS
<THEY ARE MARRIED WITH EACH OTHER FOR THIS PURPOSE.
<
<Hotel, Zurich:
<BECAUSE OF THE IMPROPRIETY OF ENTERTAINING GUESTS OF THE OPPOSITE SEX
IN
THE
<BEDROOM, IT IS SUGGESTED THAT THE LOBBY BE USED FOR THIS PURPOSE.
<
<An advertisement by a Hong Kong dentist:
<TEETH EXTRACTED BY THE LATEST METHODISTS.
<
<From a Russian book on Chess:
<A LOT OF WATER HAS BEEN PASSED UNDER THE BRIDGE SINCE THIS VARIATION
HAS
<BEEN PLAYED.
<
<A laundry in Rome:
<LADIES, LEAVE YOUR CLOTHES HERE AND SPEND THE AFTERNOON HAVING A GOOD
TIME.
<
<Tourist agency, Czechoslovakia:
<TAKE ONE OF OUR HORSE-DRIVEN CITY TOURS. WE GUARANTEE NO MISCARRIAGES.
<
<Advertisement for donkey rides, Thailand:
<WOULD YOU LIKE TO RIDE ON YOUR OWN ASS?
<
<In the window on a Swedish furrier:
<FUR COATS MADE FOR LADIES FROM THEIR OWN SKIN.
<
<The box of a clockwork toy made in Hong Kong:
<GUARANTEED TO WORK THROUGHOUT ITS USEFUL LIFE.
<
<Detour sign in Kyushi, Japan:
<STOP. DRIVE SIDEWAYS.
<
<In a Swiss mountain inn:
<SPECIAL TODAY - NO ICE-CREAM.
<
<On the door of a Moscow hotel room:
<IF THIS IS YOUR FIRST VISIT TO THE USSR, YOU ARE WELCOME TO IT.
<
<Cocktail lounge, Norway:
<LADIES ARE REQUESTED NOT TO HAVE CHILDREN IN THE BAR.
<
<At a Budapest zoo:
<PLEASE DO NOT FEED THE ANIMALS. IF YOU HAVE ANY SUITABLE FOOD, GIVE IT
TO
<THE GUARD ON DUTY.
<
<Doctor's office, Rome:
<SPECIALIST IN WOMEN AND OTHER DISEASES.
<
<Hotel, Acapulco:
<THE MANAGER HAS PERSONALLY PASSED ALL THE WATER SERVED HERE.
<
<Information booklet about using a hotel air conditioner, Japan:
<COOLES AND HEATES: IF YOU WANT JUST CONDITION OF WARM AIR IN YOUR
ROOM,
<PLEASE CONTROL YOURSELF.
<
<Car rental brochure, Tokyo:
<WHEN PASSENGER OF FOOT HEAVE IN SIGHT, TOOTLE THE HORN. TRUMPET HIM
<MELODIOUSLY AT FIRST, BUT IF HE STILL OBSTACLESYOUR PASSAGE THEN
TOOTLE HIM
<WITH VIGOR.
<
<Two signs from a Majorcan shop entrance:
<ENGLISH WELL TALKING HERE, SPEECHING AMERICAN
<
<Airline ticket office, Copenhagen:
<WE TAKE YOUR BAGS AND SEND THEM IN ALL DIRECTIONS.