FW: Bubba Claus...

-----Original Message-----
From: Randy Whittaker [mailto:randywhittaker@wingfootct.com]
Sent: Friday, December 07, 2001 8:22 AM
To: Angela's Boy (E-mail); Billy Bygodainsworth (E-mail); Leon's Daughter (E-mail); Randi and Rori's Mom (E-mail); Randy's Favorite Sister (E-mail); Ross Marshall (E-mail); Terrible Tom (E-mail)
Subject: FW: Bubba Claus...

-----Original Message-----
From: Thomas, Tamara [mailto:Tamara.Thomas@ssa.gov]
Sent: Friday, December 07, 2001 7:34 AM
To: Beth Dial (E-mail); Amanda Kay Thomas (E-mail); Brenda (E-mail); Brenda Cook (E-mail); Pacheco, Carlos; Yeager, Dana P.; Debi (Green) Dean (E-mail); Williams, Dianne; Frances Green (E-mail); Kellie Newman (E-mail); Kevin Thomas (E-mail 2); Misti Jackson (E-mail 2); Noel Thomas (E-mail); Randy Whittaker (E-mail); Sharon Smith (E-mail); Shirley Worthen (E-mail); Pohl, Toby
Subject: Bubba Claus...
Carlos, you should luv this one!

An announcement from Santa. . .
<
<I regret to inform you that, effective immediately, I will no longer be
<able to serve the Southern United States on Christmas Eve. Due to the
<overwhelming current population of the earth, my contract was
renegotiated
<by North American Fairies and Elves Local 209. I now serve
<only certain areas of Ohio, Indiana, Illinois, Wisconsin and Michigan.
As
<part of the new and better contract I also get longer breaks for milk
and
<cookies so keep that in mind. However, I'm certain that your children
will
<be in good hands with your local replacement who happens to be my third
<cousin, Bubba Claus. His side of the family is from the South Pole. He
<shares my goal of delivering toys to all the good boys and girls;
however,
<there are a few differences between us.
<
<Differences such as:
<
<1. There is no danger of a Grinch stealing your presents from Bubba
Claus.
<He has a gun rack on his sleigh and a bumper sticker that reads: "These
<toys insured by Smith and Wesson,"
<
<2. Instead of milk and cookies, Bubba Claus prefers that children leave
an
<RC cola and pork rinds [or a moon pie] on the fireplace. And Bubba
doesn't
<smoke a pipe. He dips a little snuff though, so please have an empty
spit
<can handy.
<
<3. Bubba Claus' sleigh is pulled by floppy-eared, flyin' coon dogs
instead
<of reindeer. I made the mistake of loaning him a couple of my
<reindeer one time, and Blitzen's head now overlooks Bubba's fireplace.
<
<4. You won't hear "On Comet, on Cupid, on Donner and Blitzen.. " when
Bubba
<Claus arrives. Instead, you'll hear, "On Earnhardt, on Wallace, on
Martin
<and Labonte. On Rudd, on Jarrett, on Elliott and Petty."
<
<5. "Ho, ho, ho!" has been replaced by "Yee Haw!" And you also are
likely to
<hear Bubba's elves respond, "I her'd dat!"
<
<6. As required by Southern highway laws, Bubba Claus' sleigh does have
a
<Yosemite Sam safety triangle on the back with the words
<"Back off" The last I heard it also had other decorations on the sleigh
<back as well. One is Ford or Chevy logo with lights that race through
the
<letters and the other is a caricature of me (Santa Claus) going wee wee
on
<the Tooth Fairy.
<
<7. The usual Christmas movie classics such as "Miracle on 34th Street"
and
<"It's a Wonderful Life" will not be shown in your negotiated viewing
area.
<Instead, you'll see "Boss Hogg Saves Christmas" and "Smokey and the
Bandit
<IV" featuring Burt Reynolds as Bubba Claus and dozens of state patrol
cars
<crashing into each other.
<
<8. Bubba Claus doesn't wear a belt. If I were you, I'd make sure you,
the
<wife, and the kids turn the other way when he bends over to put
presents
<under the tree.
<
<9. And finally, lovely Christmas songs have been sung about me like
<"Rudolph The Red-nosed Reindeer" and Bing Crosby's "Santa Claus Is
<Coming to Town." This year songs about Bubba Claus will be played on
all
<the AM radio stations in the South. Those song titles will be Mark
<Chesnutt's "Bubba Claus Shot the Jukebox"; Cledus T. Judd's "All I Want
for
<Christmas Is My Woman and a Six Pack", and Hank Williams
<Jr.'s "If You Don't Like Bubba Claus, You Shove It."
<
<Sincerely Yours, Santa Claus
<(member of North American Fairies and Elves local 209)