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REALLY PEOPLE....THIS IS ME..... Subject: Martha Stewart vs Me < < < Martha's way #1: Stuff a miniature marshmallow in the bottom of a < sugar cone to prevent ice cream drips. < < < My way: Just suck the ice cream out of the bottom of the cone, for < < < Pete's sake, you are probably lying on the couch with your feet up < < < eating it anyway. < < < ***** < < < Martha's way #2: Use a meat baster to "squeeze" your pancake batter < < < onto the hot griddle and you'll get perfectly shaped pancakes < < < every time. < < < My way: Buy the precooked kind you nuke in the microwave for 30 < seconds. < < < The hard part is getting them out of the plastic bag. < < < ***** < < < Martha's way #3: To keep potatoes from budding, place an apple in the < < < bag with the potatoes. < < < My way: Buy Hungry Jack mashed potato mix and keep it in the pantry < for < < < up to a year. < < < ***** < < < Martha's way #4: To prevent egg shells from cracking, add a pinch of < < < salt to the water before hard boiling. < < < My way: Who cares if they crack, aren't you going to take the shells < off < < < anyway? < < < ***** < < < Martha's way #5: To get the most juice out of fresh lemons, bring < them < < < to room temperature and roll them under your palm against the kitchen < < < counter before squeezing. < < < My way: Sleep with the lemons in between the mattress and box < < < springs. < < < ***** < < < Martha's way #6: To easily remove burnt-on food from your skillet, < < < simply add a drop or two of dish soap and enough water to cover < bottom < < < of pan, and bring to a boil on stovetop. < < < My way: Eat at Chili's every night and avoid cooking. < < < ***** < < < Martha's way #7: Spray your Tupperware with nonstick cooking spray < < < before pouring in tomato based sauces and there won't be any stains. < < < My way: Feed your garbage disposal and there won't be any leftovers. < < < ***** < < < Martha's way #8: When a cake recipe calls for flouring the baking < pan, < < < use a bit of the dry cake mix instead and there won't be any white < mess < < < on the outside of the cake. < < < My way: Go to the bakery. They'll even decorate it for you. < < < ***** < < < Martha's way #9: If you accidentally over salt a dish while it's < still < < < cooking, drop in a peeled potato and it will absorb the excess salt < for < < < an instant "fix me up" < < < My way: If you over salt a dish while you are cooking, that's too < < < bad. My motto: I made it and you will eat it and I don't care how bad < it < < < tastes. < < < ***** < < < Martha's way #10: Wrap celery in aluminum foil when putting in the < < < refrigerator and it will keep for weeks. < < < My way: Celery? Never heard of the stuff. < < < ***** < < < Martha's way #11: Brush some beaten egg white over pie crust before < < < baking to yield a beautiful glossy finish. < < < My way: The Mrs. Smith frozen pie directions do not include brushing < egg < < < whites over the crust and so I don't do it. < < < ***** < < < Martha's way #12: Place a slice of apple in hardened brown sugar to < < < soften it. < < < My Way: Brown sugar is supposed to be "soft"? < < < ***** < < < Martha's way #13: When boiling corn on the cob, add a pinch of sugar < to < < < help bring out the corn's natural sweetness. < < < My Way: The only kind of corn I buy comes in a can. < < < ***** < < < Martha's way #14: To determine whether an egg is fresh, immerse it in < a < < < pan of cool, salted water. If it sinks, it is fresh, but if it rises < to < < < the surface, throw it away. < < < My way: Eat, cook, or use the egg anyway. If you feel bad later, you < < < will know it wasn't fresh. < < < ***** < < < Martha's way #15: Cure for headaches: Take a lime, cut it in half and < < < rub it on your forehead. The throbbing will go away. < < < My way: Martha, dear, the only reason this works is because you can't < rub < < < a lime on your forehead without getting lime juice in your eye, and < then < < < the < < < problem isn't the headache anymore, it is because you are now blind. < < < ***** < < < Martha's way #16: Don't throw out all that leftover wine. Freeze into < < < ice cubes for future use in casseroles and sauces. < < < My way: Leftover wine? < < < ***** < < < Martha's way #17: If you have a problem opening jars: Try using latex < < < dishwashing gloves. They give a non slip grip that makes opening jars < < < easy. < < < My way: Go ask the very cute neighbor to do it. < < < ***** < < < Martha's way #18: Potatoes will take food stains off your fingers. < Just < < < slice and rub raw potato on the stains and rinse with water. < < < My way: Mashed potatoes will now be replacing the antibacterial soap < in < < < the handy dispenser next to my sink. < < < ***** < < < Martha's way #19: Now look what you can do with Alka Seltzer. < < < * Clean a toilet. Drop in two Alka-Seltzer tablets, wait twenty < minutes, < < < brush and flush. The citric acid and effervescent action clean < < < vitreous china. < < < * Clean a vase. To remove a stain from the bottom of a glass vase or < < < cruet, fill with water and drop in two Alka-Seltzer tablets. < < < * Polish jewelry. Drop two Alka-Seltzer tablets into a glass of water < < < and immerse the jewelry for two minutes. < < < * Clean a thermos bottle. Fill the bottle with water, drop in < < < four Alka-Seltzer tablets, and let soak for an hour (or longer, if < < < necessary). < < < My way: Put your jewelry, vases, and thermos in the toilet. Add some < < < Alka-Seltzer and you have solved a whole bunch of problems at once.
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