FW: The Rules of Manhood

-----Original Message-----
From: "Engelhardt, Matthew" <maengelhardt@collinsbarrow.com<@ENRON
Sent: Friday, January 25, 2002 2:54 PM
To: Dorland, Chris; Dorland, Dan; 'Kbibby (E-mail); Max Zureski (CA - Calgary) (E-mail); Mike George (E-mail); Nate Dogg (E-mail); Colin Clements (CA - Calgary) (E-mail)
Subject: FW: The Rules of Manhood

-----Original Message-----
From: Yee, Colin
Sent: Friday, January 25, 2002 9:01 AM
To: Alder, Doug; Bain, Stacy; Engelhardt, Matthew; Maxwell, Tara;
Simpson, Regan; Steinke, Nathan; Tymofichuk, Christin
Subject: FW: The Rules of Manhood

-----Original Message-----
From: Colin Yee [mailto:cmyee@home.com]
Sent: Thursday, January 24, 2002 10:26 PM
To: mandmmitton@shaw.ca; cmyee@collinsbarrow.com; Wes Giebelhaus
Subject: Fw: The Rules of Manhood

< The Rules of Manhood
< <<<
< <<< * Thou shall not rent the movie Chocolat.
< <
< <<< * In Black Jack, always split aces and eights. No arguments.
< <
< <<< * Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella...
< <
< <<< * Any man who brings a camera to a bachelor party may be legally
< killed
< <<< and eaten by his fellow partygoers.
< <
< <<< * When you are queried by a buddy's wife, girlfriend, mother,
< father, priest, shrink, dentist, accountant or dog walker, you need
not
and
< should not provide any useful information whatsoever as to his
whereabouts.
< You are permitted to deny his very existence.
<
< * Unless he murdered someone in your immediate family, you must bail
a
< friend out of jail within 12 hours.
<
< * You may exaggerate any anecdote told in a bar by 50 percent without
< recrimination; beyond that, anyone within earshot is allowed to
< call,"Bullshit!". (Exception: When tryi
< ng to pick up a girl, the allowable
< exaggeration rate rises to 400 percent.)
<
< * If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off
limits
< forever.
<
< * The maximum amount of time you have to wait for another guy who's
<<<
< running late is 5 minutes. For a girl, you are required to wait 10
<minutes
< for <<< every point of hotness she scores on the classic 1-10 scale.
<
< * Bitching about the brand of free beer in a buddies refrigerator is
< <<< forbidden. You may gripe if the temperature is unsuitable.
< <
< * No man is ever required to buy a birthday present for another man.
In
< <<< fact, even remembering a friends birthday is strictly optional.
<
< * Agreeing to distract the ugly friend of a hot babe your buddy is
< <<trying to hook up with is your legal duty. Should you get carried
away
< <with your <<< good deed and end up having sex with the beast, your
pal
< is forbidden to <<speak of
< it, even at your bachelor party.
<
< * Before dating a buddy's ex, you are required to ask his permission
< <and he, in return, is required to grant it.
< <
< * Women who claim they "love to watch sports" must be treated as
spies
<<<
< until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to pick
a
< <Buffalo wing clean.
<
< * If a man's zipper is down, that's his problem- you didn't see
< <nothin'.
<
< * The universal compensation for buddies who help you move is beer.
<
< * A man must never own a cat or like his girlfriend's cat.
<
< * Your girlfriend must bond with your buddy's girlfriends within 30
< <<< minutes of meeting them. You, however, are not required to make
nice
< <with her <<< girlfriend's significant dick-heads --- low-level
sports
< bonding is all <<< the law requires.
<
< * When stumbling upon other guys watching a sports event, you may
< <always ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask
w
< ho's
< <playing.
< <
< <<< * When your girlfriend/wife expresses a desire to fix her whiney
< friend <<up with your pal, you may give her the go-ahead only if
you'll
be
< able to <<< warn your buddy and give him time to prepare excuses
about
< joining the <<< priesthood.
< <
< <<< * It is permissible to consume a fruity chick drink only when
you're
< <<< sunning on a tropical beach... and it's delivered by a topless
super
< <model...and it's free.
< <
< <<< * A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must
< remain <<< sober enough to fight.
< <
< <<< * If a buddy is out numbered, out manned, or too drunk to fight,
you
< <<must jump into the fight. Exception: If within the last 24 hours
his
< actions <<< have caused you to think, "What this guy needs is a good
< ass-whooping", <then <<< you may sit back and enjoy.
< <
< <<<
< * Friends don't let friends wear Speedos. Ever. Issue closed.
< <
< <<< * Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of
< pizza, <<< but not both. That's just plain mean.
< <
< <<< * If you compliment a guy on his six-pack, you better be
referring
to
< <<his beer.
< <
< <<< * Never join your girlfriend/wife in dissing a buddy, except
when
< she's <<< withholding sex pending your response.
< <
< <<< * Never talk to a man in the bathroom unless you're on equal
footing;
< <<< either both urinating or both waiting in line. In all other
< situations, <a nod <<is all the conversation you need.
< <
< <<< * If a buddy is already singing along to a song in the car, you
may
< not <<< join him....
< <
< <<< * If fast dancing is absolutely necessary, a man may NEVER raise
his
< <<hands above shoulder level ....
< <
< <<
< ;< * Before allowing drunken friend to cheat on his girl, you must
< attempt <<< one intervention. If he is able to get on his feet, look
you
< in the eye, <and deliver a, "F--- OFF!", you are absolved of all
< responsibility.
<
< * The morning after you and a babe who was formerly "just a friend"
<have
< carnal, drunken monkey sex, the fact that you're feeling weird and
< <<guilty is no reason not to nail her again before the discussion
about
< <what a big <<< mistake it was.
<
<
<